


Sonichu Chronicles

by Davidsonofinga



Series: Sonichu Universe [1]
Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types, Sonic the Hedgehog - All Media Types, Sonichu, Yu-Gi-Oh!
Genre: Action, Action & Romance, Action/Adventure, Adventure, Comedy, Dark Comedy, F/M, Multi, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-18
Updated: 2017-04-30
Packaged: 2018-10-20 17:15:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 26
Words: 23,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10667184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Davidsonofinga/pseuds/Davidsonofinga
Summary: Rewrite of Sonichu (the comic). Repost/continuation of something I made on Deviantart.





	1. Sonichu Origins

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Sonichu Chronicles](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/284700) by me.. 
  * Inspired by [Sonichu Chronicles](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/284703) by Davidsonofinga. 



Our story begins in a field 5 miles from Station Square, which is currently falling victim to Perfect Chaos' ramapge. While Sonic clashes with the creature, a wild male Pikachu takes notice of the far-off destruction.

Meanwhile, at Station Square, Sonic used the 7 chaos emeralds to become Super Sonic. He flew into Perfect Chaos, damaging him. Perfect Chaos then swatted Sonic with one of his semiliquid tentacles, knocking him back into the wild Pikachu approaching the scene. The collision caused the two to emit a rainbow, which flew off in multiple directions.

The first rainbow beam hit a female Raichu at a beach house 15 miles away. She evolved into a Rosechu. Her trainer, Kel, came running. "Raichu," said Kel,

"I saw the-" but then she saw her newly-evolved pokemon and gasped. "Who are you?," she asked, "where's my Pokemon?"

"Kel," said Rosechu, "I AM your pokemon. I was hit by a rainbow, and now ..." she turned to her trainer, "I've evolved."

"OH MY!," gasped Kel in a state of shock and awe, "You're as beautiful as a rose!"

"As a rose?," said Rosechu, "Thank you! You can call me Rosechu."

At the same time, the newly-evolved Sonichu was flat on his back. He opened his eyes, and groaned. Just then, the sight of Perfect Chaos caused him to hurriedly stand up. "What the-?" exclaimed Sonichu, "I've got to help!" He then ran toward the scene, leaping off a cliff and onto the side of a building, which he promptly ran across. He homed into Perfect Chaos, jumped off him, and unleashed his most powerful move:

"THUN-DERRRRR!!!!!!!" screamed Sonichu, as thunderbolts crashed into Perfect Chaos, electrocuting him. Sonic then flew into the creature, proclaiming "Almost got him!" Perfect Chaos exploded, devolving back into Chaos Zero.

as Chaos Zero slinked away as a puddle, a huge crowd cheered for Sonic. Sonichu walked back to the field, and wiped his forehead. "*whew*" he sighed, "what a battle. Not only that, but I got super speed, a new body, and human speech. and apparently, I look like that hedgehog from earlier. From the cheers, I guess his name was Sonic. Sonic had about the same abilities as I do now. I'm a new pokemon, no longer a pikachu, but a SONICHU."


	2. Genesis of the Lovehogs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonichu and Rosechu meet... but do they really love each other?

Sonichu was wandering in a forest, tired and cranky.

"Uggh...." he groaned, "Since my evolution, my new, bigger body needs more food than before... nuts and apples can't cut it. It's been over a week, and I'm soooooo hungryyyyyyyy... not only that, I feel lonely...."

Just then, he saw what appeared to be Rosechu, wandering around. She took off, and Sonichu followed her like a creepy stalker. 15 minutes later, they ended up at Kel's beach house. Kel came out to see Rosechu.

"D'ja have fun, Rosey?," asked Kel. "Ahh..." stammered Rosechu, "Sorta." "Well, come on in," said Kel, "I'm fixing some cloy' & frank chowder."

Rosechu plopped down at the table and sighed. "Since my evolution, I've felt...weird," sighed Rosechu, "I don't think any other pokemon talk like me."

"Aww, relax," said Kel, "What about Team Rocket's Meowth?"

"He's a jerk," moaned Rosechu. Suddenly, a knock could be heard at the door. "I'll get that," sighed Rosechu, walking to the door. When she opened it, she noticed a yellow figure standing before her. It was Sonichu.

"Hey, I'm just a wild pokemon who's hungry," groaned Sonichu, "ya got anything?"

"Sure, come in," exclaimed Rosechu, dragging him in, "by the way, what's your name?"

"Sonichu," said Sonichu.

"My name's Rosechu," said Rosechu, "but you can call me Rosey." She then turned to Kel. "KEL," said Rosechu, "We have a guest!"

"Who is it, Rosey?" asked Kel, "The chowder's almost ready, and I...looks like you got a boyfriend." "Hello," greeted Sonichu.

"It's nice to meet you, Sonichu," said Kel, "Have a seat with Rosey, the chowder's almost ready."

As the two sat at the table, Rosechu asked Sonichu a question. "So, what's your favorite color?" asked Rosechu. "Uhhh...yellow!" responded Sonichu.

a few days later, Sonichu and Rosechu were sitting on a rock, holding hands, at night. "Isn't the night sky pretty?," asked Rosechu. "Sure is," exclaimed Sonichu. "I could just sit there and look at it for hours," exaggerated Rosechu. "Yeah," replied Sonichu, "but then we'd fall asleep together. And I wouldn't have it any other way!"

"I love you!," declared Rosechu, blushing. "And I love you too, Rosey," said Sonichu, "As lovely as birds tweet, you are muh heartsweet."

"Oh Sonichu," gasped Rosechu with delight.

And the two kissed each other and began making out under the fireworks like a really horny couple. You know, for da kids!


	3. Sonichu vs Naitsirhc!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonichu battles a Zapdos and...an evil guy with a suspiciously similar name to his creator

==Location: CWCville Mall.==

"Okay guys," said Kel, "I gotta run some errands." She then gave her debit card to Rosechu. "Here's my debit card, Rosey," she said. "Why Thank You!" said Rosechu. "Sonichu," said Kel, "Make sure she doesn't spend over $100." "I Will," said Sonichu, "now STAY STRAIGHT!"

A while later, at Kay Jewlers, Sonichu was carrying a bunch of boxes. "Well, I'm not Superman," he thought. Meanwhile, Rosechu was eyeing some bracelet. "Hmmm..." she pondered, "20 Dollars for this lovely bracelet...WAIT! 75% OFF? ALL RIGHT!" Then she bought the bracelet.

Thankfully, Sonichu had cash for lunch.

A short while later, at the food court, and at Burger King at that, they had lunch. Rosechu got a salad. Sonichu got a burger. Rosechu took a bite of her salad. "Ahh..." she sighed, delighted, "This salad is great!" Unfortunately, Sonichu could not say the same. He took a bite of his burger, and suddenly, his head grew twice its usual size, and he felt queasy. "...What's wrong, sweetbolt?" asked Rosechu, concern in her voice.

"I...hate...p-p-p-Pickles!..." stammered Sonichu.

"The bun is in your miiiiind," said Master Shake spookily. Frylock slapped him. "Damnit, Shake, don't taunt the hedgehog guy," snapped Frylock. Then they disappeard. Coincidentially, so did Rosechu.

Sonichu looked up. He saw Zapdos. He also heard Rosechu howling for help. What he didn't see was Rosechu struggling to get out of the Zapdos' grip. What he DID see, however, was a teenage male with spiky red hair. It was Naitsirhc.

"Ha Ha Ha!" laughed Naitsirhc, "Naitsirhc, son of Giovanni! Team Rocket, faster than Light! Surrender now or prepare to fight!"

"Let Rosechu go, you stupid homo jerk!," yelled Sonichu.

"Then, we will fight!" declared Naitsirhc, "GO, ZAPDOS! USE DRILL PECK!"

Zapdos homed in on Sonichu, beak first. Sonichu jumped into it, and got slammed into Sbarro's. The clerk ducked and cowered. Sonichu kicked Zapdos with a Mega Kick, breaking himself free and apparently causing the Zapdos' grip to slip, sending Rosechu flying through the air, eventually stumbling around the food court floor.

The Zapdos attempted to use Wing Attack, but Sonichu used Double Team, causing him to create a bunch of fast-moving illusional duplicates of himself. This caused Zapdos to spin around in confusion, eventually falling on its chin, dizzied. Sonichu then looked around, wondering where the heck Rosechu went. He didn't see her immediately, and screamed her name in a desperate attempt to locate her.

"ROSECHU!!!"

"I'm right here," said Rosechu, just getting up. She then saw the downed Zapdos, glared at it, and summoned a pair of electricity blades. She then charged at the Zapdos. When she got close, she jumped into the air, blades raised, and slammed onto the Zapdos. It squawked, and then fainted. Rosechu felt a surge of dopamine throughout her 2'11 body. Rosechu smiled.

Naitsirhc retracted Zapdos back into its pokeball. He was riding Raikou. "Enjoy your victory now, hedgehog, but we will meet again!" declared Naitsirhc, "And when we do, I will capture you for my father and Team Rocket! Let's go, Raikou!" Then he rode off, out of the mall. The mall crowds cheered. Some employees complained about their stores getting wrecked. Kel showed up, as did Chris-Chan.

"I was astounded at how you battled Zapdos, Rosey," congratulated Kel to Rosechu, "You rock!"

"Hey," complained Sonichu, "Where's MY congrats? I'M DA HERO HERE!"

"YOU RUINED MY RESTAURANT!," screamed the Sbarro's manager.

"Shut up, you stupid troll!," snapped Sonichu, pointing at the manager, who promptly curled up into a ball and cried in fear.

"...and YOU," yelled Sonichu at a nearby crowd, "...shouldn't you be doing something for me?"

"Thank you, Sonichu!," stammered the crowds nervously. Many nervous laughs, some which turned into frightened sobbing, occured. Chris-Chan came up to Sonichu and shook his hand.

"As da Mayor of CWCville, I congraduate y'all on y'all-uh-victree," said Chris-Chan "an I thank y'all for s-savin da day! Good job, Sonichu!" "Thank you, father!" said Sonichu, smug pleasure running through his soul. Rosechu glared. Kel seethed, yelling at Sonichu and Chris-Chan to come back as they walked off.


	4. Shadowchu Origins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The origin of Shadowchu, the electric edge pokemon.

=Location: Team Rocket HQ=

"Naitsirhc," said Giovanni, "Although you lost your battle with that hedgehog, I'm proud that you were able to obtain a sample of his DNA."

=Earlier, at Engman’s Egg Base=

"Eggman," greeted Giovanni. "Oh, Hey Giovanni!," greeted Eggman, eagerly shaking Giovanni's hand with both of his own. "My son found the DNA of this creature," began Giovanni, showing Eggman a picture of Sonichu. "Eggs-Cellent," smiled Eggman, "We should clone him and use the clone against him!" "Excellent idea," smiled Giovanni, as the two malicious masterminds shook on it.

=NOW=

"Soon," announced Giovanni, "We shall have a Sonichu of our own, to defeat the original! Naitsirhc, Our victory is guaranteed, or I am not Giovanni, the leader of Team Rocket!" Naitsirhc and Giovanni began laughing diabolically.

Later that day, in a Team Rocket laboratory, Bill the Scientist was examining the sample. He was totally stoned, and had a can of cherry cola in his right hand. "Hey Bill," called a voice, "Bring the DNA sample to the machine!" 

"K, dude," said Bill, "but what if I put this...cherry cola in it?" Bill chuckled.

"Sounds great," responded the voice, "Do it."

So Bill spilled his cherry cola on the sample and put it in the machine. Eggman threw in a strand of Shadow's DNA he found lying around into the mix. "Why'd you do that?" asked Giovanni. "Duuuuh," said Eggman sarcastically, "Everyone knows that to make a delicious omelette, you gotta use more than a few eggs!"

The result was...black. and red. with white fur on its chest. An intercom turned on.

"You are a Sonichu!," spoke Giovanni through the intercom, "You only obey Giovanni and his son, Naitsirhc! You are dark, evil, and very powerful! When awakened, you will seek, and fight, your original counterpart!"

”Sonichu… Naitsirhc… Powerful…” wondered the experiment, “Who are they?”

"Well, Robotnik" said Giovanni, "Here's the result of your skills and our genius! What's your opinion?'

"Hmm...," said Eggman, "He reminds me of another creature I released years ago. Let's release him!"

"Ayy boss," said Bill," I'm readin' brain waves of the porkyman, and they're like, totally racin' man."

"Yes!!," said Giovanni, "Drain the fluid, and raise the tube!"

The stasis fluid was drained, and the containment tube was raised. "He is black!" said Naitsirhc. "let's call him Black Sonichu!"

"That's fine," growled the experiment, "But I prefer Shadowchu."

"Deal!," responed Naitsirhc, "My name is Naitsirhc. I am your master!" They shook on it, as Naitsirhc pointed to and introduced the others, "This is my father, Giovanni! Do not cross him! And that's Dr. Robotnik"

"Pleasure to meet you, Shadowchu," said Giovanni.

"Me too!," shouted Eggman.

3 hours later, after a mission briefing between Shadowchu and the others, Giovanni wrapped up the presentation. "Any questions, Shadowchu?," asked Giovanni.

"I have one," responded Shadowchu, "If I'm a clone of Sonichu, does that make him my brother? Also, why don’t I look like him?”

"Astounding questions, Blachu!" said Giovanni, "Yes, that does make him your brother. But do not ever look up to him. Your fur color is because Bill, one of Eggman's scientists, spilled some cherry cola in your DNA.”

"Hey Giovanni," said Eggman, "I searched online and found data on Sonichu!" "Let's see it!" responded Giovanni, taking the printout and reading it over. "Apparently," said Eggman, "It was reported to Professor Oak, by a pokemon trainer named Kel Felix.

"Excellent," responded Giovanni, "Now I can compare these stats with Black Sonichu's, and make him stronger and faster!" He flipped the second sheet over the first, saw Rosechu, and asked "...Who's this on the other page?"

"That's Rosechu, also an electric-type," responded Eggman, "I Also learned she's allegedly Sonichu's girlfriend!"

"Perfect," grinned Giovanni, "Now we have to lure Sonichu into our trap. After training, Shadowchu will defeat and kidnap Rosechu." "Wait," interrupted Eggman, "Does it matter WHO? They're awfully similar stat-wise..." "Good Work!" interrupted Giovanni, "Now we make a machine to drain Sonichu's power, Dr. Robotnik."

Later on, outside the building, Shadowchu was training with Naitsirhc. "Go!," exclaimed Naitsirhc. Shadowchu ran, at the speed of 300 miles an hour.

Later, Shadowchu was faced with a brick wall. He kicked through it, toppling the structure.

He then spin-dashed into some targets, breaking almost all of them.

He later shot some targets, hitting just about all of them.

Later that day, Giovanni went to Eggman with the results. "Well, they seem similar," began Giovanni, "But Black Sonichu has greater strength." "Yes!" responded Eggman, "Looks like he's ready for the mission."

Meanwhile, Shadowchu was in his room, brooding. Suddenly, the intercom turned on. "Shadowchu," announced the intercom, "Please report to my office immediately! It's time for your mission."

“Guess my training’s complete,” thought Shadowchu, “Time to see who this “Sonichu” is…”


	5. Informal Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shadowchu kidnaps one of our heroes for Naitsirhc... but which one?!

=Location: Zapbud field near CWCville, Virginia.=

Sonichu and Rosechu were laying side-by-side in a grassy, zapbud-laden field. "Ahhh, this is nice," exhaled Rosechu, "the pretty zapbuds, the nice blue sky, the clouds...hey!" Rosechu lifted her left arm and pointed at a funny-looking cloud, "That one looks like an Ursaring!"

"That's nice," grumbled Sonichu, "But not as nice as YOU!"

"Oh Sonichu," giggled Rosechu, as she rolled over and kissed him.

"You are so sweet," said Sonichu. "Thank you!," chirped Rosechu. Just then, her phone began vibrating in her dress pocket playing "For You I Will," by Monica. Rosechu sprang up. "'ScuseMe," said Rosechu, as she pressed "Talk" on her pink Samsung SGH-T809. 

ROSECHU: Hello?

KEL: Hey, Rosey.

ROSECHU: Kel!

KEL: Come home soon! Dinner's almost ready!

ROSECHU: Okay, we'll be on our way. Bye!"

Rosechu hung up and turned to Sonichu. "That was Kel," she stated, "It's almost dinner time!"

"Great!," exclaimed Sonichu, "I was hungry anyways!" Sonichu then turned to Rosechu. "May I escort you to your chateau, m'lady?" asked Sonichu, tipping an imaginary fedora. "Of course you may, sweetbolt," exclaimed Rosechu, jumping into Sonichu's arms. "As you wish, muh heartsweet" replied Sonichu.

Meanwhile, Shadowchu was hiding in a tree. A very large and branchy tree, at that. “Sonichu…” thought Shadowchu, “I see you…” As Sonichu sprinted with Rosechu in his arms, he unwittingly got closer to the tree. “NOW”, thought Shadowchu, as he jumped off the tree branch he was on and dive kicked Sonichu. 

Rosechu yelped in startlation as she fell out of Sonichu's arms and stumbled across the ground, ending up on her belly. Sonichu stumbled a bit, eventually landing on his back. Sonichu sat up, rubbing his head. "h...huh-Who are you?," asked Sonichu. "Y-yeah," grunted Rosechu, trying to get up whilst pointing at Shadowchu, "a-and why are you here?" 

"That's none of your business, FAKER," snapped Shadowchu, grabbing Sonichu and whisking him away. "Hey, kidnap HER, NOT ME!," protested Sonichu to no avail. "Too bad," smirked Shadowchu.

Meanwhile, Rosechu was trawling around the area she was in, scrounging for her sweetbolt. She was obviously in a state of distress. Eventually, she gave up and sulked in a corner. Just then, Knuckles appeared.

"Heyyy Amy," greeted Knuckles, clueless that the hedgehog he was talking to was not Amy Rose.

"My name's not Amy," snapped Rosechu, "Leave me alone!"

"b-but Why?" asked Knuckles, "I hate to see a girl like you like this."

"My sweetbolt got kidnapped by a black thing that sorta looked like my sweetbolt," grumbled Rosechu, "and I don't know where the HELL they went."

"Hmmm..." wondered Knuckles, "What would his name be, perhaps?"

"Sonichu..." said Rosechu, who then burst into tears, bawling in grief. Knuckles attempted to comfort her.

“I’m so sorry for what happened,” said Knuckles, "I've heard that he stopped an attack on the CWCville Mall."

"I helped," whimpered Rosechu, "We should go find him."

"Yeah--heyyyyyy," said Knuckles, noticing footprints in the dirt, "Aren't those footprints?"

The thought that there could be hope of an easy find snapped Rosechu out of her funk. Confidence overtook her body and spirit. "Let's go find him,” she stated. "Deal," said Knuckles.


	6. Black Metal Blockade Battlefront

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rosechu and Knuckles battle Shadowchu and an unthinking, unfeeling robot lookalike of Sonichu. Will they save the REAL Sonichu?

=Location: Team Rocket Base=

Sonichu was locked away in an imprisonment box. He tried zapping the bars, but to no avail. "Darn it," he yelled. Then, he felt up and down the box bars, and realized they were coated with rubber. "These bars are rubber-coated," he mumbled, before he looked up at his captors. "When Rosechu gets here, she'll give you all a REAL SHOCK!" yelled Sonichu. Shadowchu just chuckled.

“So, Robotnik,” said Naitsirhc, “Let’s go over once more, what will happen when Rosechu comes to rescue her boyfriend?”

"Alright, Naitsirhc!” exclaimed Eggman, "Well first, Shadowchu will issue a challenge with Rosechu!

"Next," he continued, "During the battle, Shadowchu will lure her towards an X on the floor."

"Then, I'll press this button which will launch the trap dome," continued Eggman, "Then I'll activate the energy drain, which will sap Rosechu's electrical current AND energy, weakening her."

"After that," finished Eggman, "You and your father can do whatever you want to the two of 'em; recharge 'em, mind control 'em, ya know the deal."

"Why should I Care?" asked Eggman rhetorically as he whipped out a top hat and cane and broke into a song and dance number, "Because I'm..."

“Robotnik! Robotnik!  
I’m a mad genius! Robotnik!  
I create chaos with my machines!  
I’m the darkest of evil, and I’m mean!  
I have a monkey in my robot!  
WAIT! The monkey IS a robot!  
I turned the animal into a robot  
with a process I call ro-bot-i-zaaaaay-tion~!”

=Meanwhile, outside the base=

"I'm coming sweetbolt!," exclaimed Rosechu as she and Knuckles approached the base. "Rosechu, STOP!" yelled Knuckles, as Rosechu ran into the base's wall. "w-What is it?," stumbled Rosechu, feeling funny. "I Smell trouble," grunted Knuckles, picking up an emblem, "this is the face of that jerk, Eggman." "You lead on," he continued, "I'll back you if there's a trap."

"Got it," confirmed Rosechu, who proceeded to smash open the doors.

"EGGMAN!," screamed Rosechu, "LET SONICHU GO!!!"

"I knew you'd come for me," said Sonichu smugly.

"Ahhh, Sonichu, how good it is to see you again” mocked Naitsirhc, "Allow me to introduce my father, Giovanni, and our associate, Dr. Robotnik!”

“Hello.” greeted Giovanni, chuckling maliciously.

"Hell-Ooo!" greeted Eggman, as he burst into diabolical laughter.

“I am pleased to say that we do have your boyfriend captive in our facilities,” continued Naitsirhc, “But to my dismay, it was not I who kidnapped your boyfriend, but allow me to present you the true culprit. Rosechu, meet you boyfriend's clone and evil twin, SHADOWCHU!"

"His... clone?," asked Rosechu.

"Get out of my sight," growled Shadowchu.

Shadowchu mega-kicked Rosechu, sending her into a wall. Rosechu generated a pair of electricity blades, and slashed him. "Not bad," panted Shadowchu, attempting to catch his breath, "But I'm better." Shadowchu then iron-tail'd Rosechu, pushing her onto an X on the floor. Suddenly, a rope net fell on Rosechu. "Ah Ha Haa!" laughed Eggman, "Old-Fashioned means electricity proof! Now to drain your energy..."

"Not if I can help it, Eggman," said a voice. It was Knuckles.

"Hwwaah?" gasped Eggman, "You...."

"Let my friends go, and I might go easy on you," threatened Knuckles.

"I had something else planned in case something like this happened," mentioned Eggman, "and now I gotta use it. GO, METAL SONICHU!"

Metal Sonichu powered on. "Hey," exclaimed Sonichu, "He doesn't even LOOK like me."

"Smooth," grumbled Knuckles.

Metal Sonichu attempted to zap-cannon Knuckles, but missed all three times. "Is that the best you got?," taunted Knuckles, who then slugged Metal Sonichu in his chest reactor. Metal Sonichu clutched its chest in *simulated* pain. Knuckles went over to Rosechu and lifted the net. "Thanks," said Rosechu. "No problem," replied Knuckles, swinging the old-fashioned net around like Indiana Jones does his whip. He then threw it at Metal Sonichu, who attempted to reflect it off with Mirror Coat. It failed.

"Now to save my sweetbolt," said Rosechu, sprinting towards Sonichu's imprisonment box. "Get back," commanded Rosechu, as she iron-tail'd the bars, freeing Sonichu. "I'm Free!," exclaimed Sonichu, "Thanks, Rosey."

Meanwhile, Knuckles went Hyper and threw the netted Metal Sonichu towards the moon.

Naitsirhc, Eggman, and Giovanni looked on at our heroes, mouths agape. "Well, Eggman," taunted Knuckles, "Looks like you were licked again, and shocked too."

"You homos shoulda learned your lesson," bragged Sonichu, "Never miss with true, honest, and STRAIGHT love. Let's bolt, Rosey!" 

Sonichu and Rosechu left the premises, holding each others' hands.

Two days later, athe CWCville mall, Rosechu was leaving the DVD shop, Wedding Crashers in bag. "Sonichu will really want to spoon me after watching this DVD," mused Rosechu to herself, "He loves fratboy comedies." Just then, she bumped into a girl that looked an awful lot like her. It was Amy. Amy Rose.

"I LOVE YOUR OUTFIT!," the two cheered at each other. "I'm Amy," said Amy, "Nice to meet you!". "I'm Rosechu," responded Rosechu, "You can call me Rosey."

"Shopping for anyone?" asked Amy.

"Just picking up a fratboy comedy for my sweebolt, Sonichu!" responed Rosechu.

"I bought a new outfit to wear for my Sonniku," said Amy, "He's soooo dreeeamyyy"

"My Sonichu is amaaazing," said Rosechu, "He says all the right stuff, and has all the right moves, knows how to hit all the right places..."

The conversation continued for about 90-or-so minutes.


	7. Da Anchuent Prophecy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris-Chan gains new powers. But what are they? And what does this "Anchuent Prophecy" have to do with all this?

Sonichu was zappin' to da extreme in some field, when suddenly, he came across a rock formation. Perplexed, he went up to one of the rocks, and read an inscription on it:

ONLY THE CREATURE AND HIS MASTER OF THE PROPHECY MAY ENTER THE DESTINY CAVE

"Who-da-what?," asked Sonichu. "Yes, only those of the prophecy," said a voice. "WHAT?" yelled Sonichu.

"Oh please, do forgive me," said a long-haired, long-bearded hermit, “by the way, I’m the Keeper of the Destiny Cave." He then looked at Sonichu. "Oh my stars," exclaimed the Keeper, "You! You're the creature of the prophecy! We have much to discuss."

=Later that day=

"So l-let me get dhis straight, Sonichu..." said Chris-Chan, "Y'all found a cave, an' an old man, um, guardin' it. Da old man elab-elaborated dhat, um, you're da prophecized creature, and s-since I-since I am y'all creater an father, I'm da pr-I'm da prophecized master! An' I'm able to r-recieve a special p-power by enterin' da cave wiff y'all an' da cave-keeper! Is dhis true?"

"I know it seems Farfetch'd," said Sonichu, "But with da cave carvings, I say it's worth a shot, father!" "Okay," replied Chris-Chan. "Come," said the Keeper, "Let's fulfill the prophecy!"

Inside the cave, the Keeper explained the prophecy to our so-called heroes:

"It was prophecized by the ancient masters that the reincarnation of our leader will take pen in hand to combine a mouse and a hedgehog and give birth to a new electric creature. Then the leader will place his hand-made medallion on the pedestal and release the powers that be, as well as his lady's and rival's powers. The powers will transform you all into pokemon creatures will variable powers of good and evil. But evil will strike the day the original electrical creature finds this cave, only the released powers can defeat the evil!"

"NOOOOOO!!!!!" bellowed Sonichu, "I can't believe I released an evil!"

"Sonichu, it's, um, not y'all fault." explained Chris-Chan. "So, to jar dhis evil, I have to, um, release da anchuent powers?," he questioned, "I'll do it!" He then pointed at the pedestal in the center of a trio of pedestals, the other two being smaller than the central one. "So, um, I place muh medallion on da pedestal, right?" asked Chris-Chan.

"That is correct, sire," said the Keeper, "Then, stand over there, and I'll perform the chant."

So, Chris-Chan placed is medallion on the pedestal, and the Kepper began his chant. "Anoz aelc amulp oerc ikabmol ah ah!" chanted the Keeper. And like that, the medallion levitated, then promptly returned to Chris-Chan's neck. "Whoa," said Chris-Chan. "f-f-Father?" asked Sonichu.

Chris-Chan had a vision. He saw the Anchuent Leader of the Cherokian Clan, and not much else. "w-Where am I?" asked Chris-Chan, "suh-Sonichu? Old Man? wha-Who are y'all?"

"I'm da Anchuent Leader of da Cherokian Clan!," announced the Leader, "An' y'all are Christian Wesson Chandler, muh reincarnation."

"Wow!," exclaimed Chris-Chan, "I'm Impessed!"

"Wif da powers y'all have released comes great responsibididy," reminded the Leader, "Use y'all powers to help odhers, an' mos' impordently y'allself. Y’all rival will s-show up to fight ya’ll, but y'all lady friend will help ya against him, and da evil! Do ya’ll understand?" "Yes, I understand," responded Chris-Chan, "Thank y'all ancestor! I'll do muh best!"

"Now to access y'all powers, place y'all hands on y'all Sonichu medallion, feel da powah, an' say "Electric Hedgehog Power!"," explained the Leader, "Try it once to return to Sonichu!" So Chris-Chan did exactly what the Leader explained and transformed into Chris-Chan Sonichu. As expected, he ended up back in the cave.

"Father?" asked Sonichu. "Sonichu?" asked Chris-Chan. "You look different," said Sonichu. "How?" asked Chris-Chan. "I'll show you," replied Sonichu, "Here. Look in this mirror!"

Chris-Chan gasped. He had taken on his new form, which looked like his "son," Sonichu, but blue. "Dhis must be pardamuh new powers!" gasped Chris-Chan. "Um, father?," asked Sonichu, "I'm pretty freaked out by all this. Let's zap outta here." "OK," said Chris-Chan. So the two bumbling antiheroes left Destiny Cave and began dicking around the CWCville mall.

Meanwhile, two others got anchuent powers as well...


	8. Chaos & Serenity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two other figures attain powers from the Anchuent Prophecy.

Wes Iseli opened his eyes. He was in a white emptiness. In front of him was the leader of the Wasabi clan. "w...Where am I?" asked Wes, "...who are you?"

“Wes Iseli,” explained Wasabi Rival, “Your anchuent power has been released!”

"What power?" asked Wes.

“Your anchuent power,” stressed Wasabi Rival, “Now, you must seek and destroy your rival!”

"Rival?" questioned Wes, "Who?"

Wasabi Rival magically projected a picture of our fat, autistic "hero" in front of Wes. “This is your rival,” declared Wasabi Rival,  
“Christian Weston Chandler! You two were rivals in previous lives, and I hope you still are!”

"I don't even know this guy," growled Wes.

“That doesn’t matter,” dismissed Wasabi Rival, “Release the power of your Fireshock by centering your anger and shouting “FIRE BURN OFF!” Transform NOW, and we'll begin training." So Wes did exactly that, but his anger was for all the wrong reasons. Still, he transformed into Wes-Li Sonichu.“Let the training begin!” declared Wasabi Rival haughtily.

Meanwhile, Sarah Hammer was in a similar white void. Also like Wes, it was all in her mind. In front of her was the Queen of the Cherokian Clan.

"Woah!" gasped Sarah, "What happened to my room? And who are you?"

“I’m the queen of the Cherokian Clan,” announced the Queen.

"Why am I here?" asked Sarah.

"The ancient powers of me, my husband, and his rival were just released," explained the Queen, "You have been bestowed the Lightning Bracelets. You must use your power to bring serenity between my husband's reincarnation and his rival!" "Also," she continued, "you three must work together to stop the evil that was also released."

"How will I recognize your husband's soul?" asked Sarah.

"His soul belongs to an old friend of yours," explained the Queen, "Now, cross your bracelets and say, "SERENE LIGHTNING" to transform. Then, you must bring peace to the world, Sarah Hammer."

"Guess I have to," shrugged Sarah, doing exactly what the Queen instructed, obtaining a lightning bow in the process. "Wonderful!" said the Queen, "There is much to learn."

Meanwhile, near Giovanni's pokemon gym/base, Sonichu and Chris-Chan Sonichu were finishing up from training Chris-Chan in his new powers. 

"Thank y'all, Sonichu fer helpin' me learn muh new powers," said Chris-Chan, "Electric attacks, Hyper Beam, an' muh speed."

"No sweat father" responded Sonichu.

"But I just can't f-figger out wut ah need to do to change back to n-normal..." mumbled Chris-Chan.

"Don't worry too much about it, father!" replied Sonichu as he touched Chris-Chan Sonichu's chest-fur "We'll eventually figure it out!"

Chris-Chan turned back into his fat human form. "Wow!" he exclaimed. "All I did was touch your chest mark," said Sonichu, "and you changed back! Whadayaknow?"

"Yeah! Thanks!" said Chris-Chan.

A short while off, Wes-Li Sonichu was standing on the rim of a volcano. Just then, he saw Sonichu and Chris-Chan. "Ah," he said, "There he is."

A little ways off, Samarah Rosechu was standing in some dirt field. "The Queen said I'd find them around here somewhere," she muttered to herself.

"ALRIGHT CHRIS," yelled Wes-Li, "PREPARE FOR A BARBEQUE!!!" He promptly unleashed a Fire Blast. Sonichu took notice. "Father, LOOK OUT!" he yelled, jumping away from the fire blast. So did Chris, who stumbled. The blast exploded where they formerly stood. "Wow! What a blast!," exclaimed Chris-Chan, "Thank y'all Sonichu!" "You're welcome, father," reassured Sonichu.

A short while off, Samarah noticed the flaming after-explosion, "Oh my GodBear," she said, "That coulda been Wes!“

Up top the volcano, Wes-Li jumped off the rim and proceeded to pull off a volt tackle. Down below, Chris-Chan took note. "What da-" gasped Chris-Chan, "s-Sonichu, RUN!!!"

"You don't have to tell me twice!," assured Sonichu, running off, "but during da Stone Age!" Wes-Li missed, and crashed into the dirt, causing a hole to form in the ground. "I'm guessin' dhat y'all have a s-secret idenidy," examined Chris-Chan, "i-If so, who are y'all really?"

"I'll give you a clue," snarled Wes-Li, "Your friend sat on my lap, and you had a jealous look on your face."

"WHO DO YA THINK Y-YOU ARE?!" threatened Chris-Chan. "I'm Wes-Li Sonichu," said Wes-Li, "And it's not like my ancestor gave me much of a choice."

"NO!" gasped Chris-Chan, "NOT WES ISELI!!!" "Correct," confirmed Wes-Li.

Meanwhile, Samarah was listening in using her radio-signalling lightning bracelets,  "Crap," she complained, "I gotta do something."

"Okay, I'll admit dhat I was j-jealous of y'all," remarked Chris-Chan, "Because y'all get to spend m-more time with Sarah dhen I DO!!" "Whatever," dismissed Wes-Li, "My ancestor, the leader of the Wasabi Clan..." the spat deteriorated to the two rambling over each other.

===CHRIS’ RAMBLING===

"But I only felt jealousy because I CARED ABOUT HER" whined Chris, before changing his tone to a snap, then back to a whine again, "Da r-reason I kept it all inside me for all dhis time was d-dhat I wanted her to be happy, all things cons-considered." Chris then put on a faux-respectful tone, "after all, I r-respect her feelins, an' if s-she feels happier w-wif ya, dhen I'm happy knowin dhat. We've been lifelong friends, ya'll should know by now."

===WES’ RAMBLING===

"...wanted to rule the world, and the only way he could do that was to steal the Cherokian crown from your ancestors," explained Wes, increasingly seething with rage, "For centuries, my Wasabi ancestors felt like shit, for we were never able to kill the leader of the Cherokian Clan and obtain the damned Cherokian crown!"

===ramblings over===

“HEY!” shouted Chris-Chan threateningly, "I'm p-pourin' muh heart out about how I c-care deeply for muh bess friend, while YOU d-dig into y'all p-POT OF GREED!"

“YOU HAVEN’T EVEN MADE AN ATTEMPT TO CONTACT HER IN YEARS” declared Wes-Li, “and NOW YoU CaRe??!! But enough talk. LET'S FIGHT!" Wes-Li Sonichu sprinted towards Chris-Chan, who promptly summoned a duel disk. "ACTIVATE TRAP CARD: MAGIC CYLINDER!" he declared, doing just that. Wes-Li was briefly trapped between the two. This gave Chris-Chan the time to transform into Chris-Chan Sonichu. Wes-Li Sonichu sat up and grabbed his head, groaning as if he had a hangover.

"Ready to go, JERK!" taunted Chris-Chan. Wes-Li summoned a Flamethrower at Chris, who attempted to dodge it, singing his tail in the process. "OW!," yelled Chris-Chan, "Stop, Drop, an' Roll!" Chris-Chan Sonichu did exactly that, then glared at Wes. "YOU BURNED MUH TAIL!" threatened Chris-Chan, "NOW IT'S P-PERSONAL!"

Chris-Chan Mach Punched Wes-Li in the face. Wes-Li returned the favor with a Mega Kick. Chris-Chan attempted a Thunderbolt, but Wes-Li jumped out of the way, effectively dodging it. Wes-Li then Divekicked Chris, knocking him prone. Wes-Li stood over his nemesis and glared.

"Pathetic," snarled Wes-Li, "I thought you were going to be a challenge. But nooOOO, you had to be a complete and utter weakling. If this is what has become of my ancestor's rival, then getting the Cherokian Crown shall be EASY!" He then looked down at the struggling-to-get-up Chris-Chan and smirked. "Say goodbye, Chris," said Wes-Li.

Suddenly, Wes-Li was hit by a lightning arrow, knocking him out of Chris-Chan's way and into some tree (more specifically, a Yucca Brevifolia). Chris-Chan looked up at his life-saver. It was Samarah Rosechu.

"Wow!" thought Chris Chan, "She must be da lady of p-peace, as described in da prophecy."


	9. The Evil that Stormed CWCville

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris, Sarah, and Wes fight an evil being in CWCville.

"Here Chris, I think this belongs to you," said Samarah Rosechu, handing Chris-Chan Sonichu the Cherokian Crown. She had just recently obtained it. "Thank You!" said Chris-Chan, "...Who are y'all?"

"I'm Samarah, but you may know me as Sarah Hammer," explained Samarah, "Now, if you'd excuse me..."

"Wes,” began Samarah, just after shaking Wes-Li Sonichu awake, “…if you’re the “rival” in this ‘Anchuent Prophecy’ this spirit lady was talking about… I don’t think this is gonna work out” Chris-Chan gasped. “Oh cheese and crackers,” thought Chris-Chan, crossing his fingers, “This is great! I can have Sarah all to myself…” ”Sarah," groaned Wes-Li, "...is that you?"

"Yes,” said Samarah, “I’m so sorry for this… now let me get this out of you…” She then yanked the lightning arrow out of Wes-Li's chest, causing him to feel a sudden shock, then collapse to the ground. 

"Chris," said Samarah, "There's an evil lurking somewhere...I can sense it..."

"Oh, yeah," noticed Chris-Chan "Da prophecized evil. I w-wonder where it'll strike!" Just then, Sonichu appeared.

"Father!" exclaimed Sonichu.

"Yes, Sonichu?" asked Chris-Chan.

"I just got a call from Rosey," said Sonichu, "There's a rock monster destroying CWCville!"

"Dhis MUST be da evil!" thought Chris-Chan. "Sonichu," said Chris-Chan, "Go ahead. We'll c-catch up." "Okay," said Sonichu. "Sarah," said Chris-Chan, "d-dhere's a rock monster destroyin' da c-ciddee of CWCville; It may be DA EVIL!"

"Alright!," said Samarah, "Let's do this. Chris, stay by Wes. I'm gonna do something."

Chris-Chan stood there, befuddled. Wes-Li was just barely getting up. Suddenly, the two were inside telekinetically interconnected force bubbles, as was Samarah, who was leading. What? wondered Chris-Chan. "Let's fly," declared Samarah, "Chris, which way to CWCville?"

"Dhat Way!" exclaimed Chris-Chan, pointing forwards. "Woah," thought Wes-Li, looking down on the battleground he and Chris fought on, "This is a damn impressive levitation trick." Suddenly, he was pulled along by Samarah, causing him to stumble about in his force bubble, as was Chris, who was expecting it, so he wasn't stumbling.

==A Short While Ago==

(“The City of CWCville! A vibrant community with unhappy people, friendly 18-to-27-year old girls, crumbling businesses, and a fat, sexually-frustrated man…”)

Suddenly, a crash was heard.

(“Floppin Flounders! It's a giant rock golem, no doubt controlled by Mary Lee Walsh!”)

Mary Lee Walsh chuckled. "I can shatter many hearts with this golem," she mused. "Then, we shall take over the world," continued Count Graduon, the being in her scepter, "The Cherokian and Wasabi clans may have put me away for centures, but I'll show them. I'll show them how imbecilic they really are!"

==NOW==

"That thing's huge," said Samarah, "Got any ideas?"

"I think so!" said Chris-Chan, "Sarah, shoot arrows in it's eyes! Wes, fire up its knees. D-dhose things ALWAYS have weak knees! I'll go for its heart."

Wes-Li preprared a Blast Burn. Unfortunately, Chris-Chan decided to slap him. "An' annur thing," lectured Chris-Chan condescendingly, "Y'all are a--YOU ARE A DAMN DIRTY PICKLE-EATIN JERK! I wish we left y'all at dhat stupid tree."

"Wow," responded Wes-Li sardonically, "Thank you for rubbing it in."

"BUCK UP!!!" threatened Chris-Chan, "Muh heart was shaddered, an' I'm not c-complainin'! We have to d-destroy da monster, before it destroys da city! LET'S MOVE!"

Meanwhile, at the CWCville mall, Rosechu was just leaving Abercrombie. She'd been in there since the attack began, and is currently unaware of what was going on. Just then, she heard a rumble. "What was that?" she asked nervously.

Meanwhile, the prophesied trio was ganging up on the golem. Samarah shot an electric arrow in the golem's right eye, partially blinding it. Wes-Li Blast Burned the golem's knees. Chris-Chan used a curseyehameha on the golem's chest. The golem fell over, but Chris wasn't satisfied.

"Let's finish dhis!" commanded Chris-Chan, "Team Blast: Blue Fireball Attack!" The trio all charged up their powers, morph-balled, and homed into the golem, promptly causing it to burn up and crumble. They then landed on the ground. Mary Lee Walsh was shocked.

"You three may have thwarted our plans," reminded Count Graduon, "But we will meet again." "Till another day, hedgehogs!" announced Mary as she abandoned the trio. “Dhat orb is talking?” thought a shocked Chris-Chan, “Da evil we're supposed to destroy is HIM? An' Mary Lee Walsh has his cage!”

Mary Lee Walsh and the scepter-bound Graduon were a long ways away by now. "No use chasin' dhem now, s-since we will-since we'll meet again."

"Father," said Sonichu, approaching Chris-Chan, "I Got here as fast as I could, but it looks like I'm late."

"Chris," added Rosechu, approaching from a different direction, "I got the civilians to safety in a soup hotel. I was gonna help, but it looks like you did it."

"Don't worry aboudit, Sonichu," said Chris-Chan, ignoring Rosechu, "We three saved da day! Sarah, Wes, an' me." Chris-Chan, Samarah, and Wes-Li then transformed back into their human forms. Wes abandoned them, saying goodbye to Samarah in the process. "So Chris,” said Samarah, "How do we get back to Ruckersville from here?" "Dhere's a w-warp portal in da m-mayoral office at da CWCville Mall!," responded Chris-Chan, "I'll g-get us a cab!"

==Later, in Chris-Chan's infamous room==

"Y'all okay, Sarah?" asked Chris-Chan.

"Yeah, I'm fine," responded Sarah Hammer.

"I'm juss cons-I'm juss concuuurned since y'all broke up with Wes," said Chris-Chan with a faux-concerned tone in his voice.

"Oh don't worry about it," dismissed Sarah, "We've had disputes in the past."

"Sooo...." wondered Chris-Chan, "Do y'all have someone else in mind?"

"Well, I DID have someone else in mind," replied Sarah, "He's tall, strong, and handsome."

"Oh cheese an' crackers," thought Chris-Chan, "I bet she's talkin' about me. Dhis makes me wanna crap my tighty-whities."

"Really?" asked Chris-Chan, "Does he have a naaame?"

"Yes," said Sarah, "His name's William."

Chris-Chan gave Sarah a brief look of shock. Then, he looked down in disappointment. "Well, As long as he makes y'all feel happy," sighed Chris, "If he ever lets y'all down an' out, juss c-come to me."

"...okay then," said Sarah, befuddled as to why Chris seemed so disappointed.


	10. Chaotic Collision - part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Chaotic Combo meet! Also, Shadowchu steals a stone, and only the Combo (and a certain electric hedgehog) can stop him!

(“Welcome to Sun Island, home of the legendary Master Sunstone, a very, VERY large jewel that controls the order and logic of the world. Guarded by Flame the Sunbird, were this stone to fall into the wrong hands, the world would devolve into a chaotic and surreal state. Flame's job is to make sure the Master Sunstone stays on the island.”)

==Inside a helicopter==

"Let's go over the mission once more, Shadowchu," explained Giovanni, "You'll swoop down onto the island, get the sunstone, and bring it to me.” Giovanni then pointed to Shadowchu's ExtremeGear Hoverboard. "You'll use the hoverboard to glide over the ocean. Also, be careful with the stone. I wanna use its power to make our pokemon stronger by destabilizing them." Giovanni paused. "With our dangerous, unstable Pokemon," concluded Aicrag hopefully, "I'll rule the world!" 

Giovanni laughed diabolically, before asking Shadowchu, "You got that?" "I do, boss," confirmed Shadowchu, "I'm ready." Shadowchu then jumped out the helicopter, ExtremeGear in his left arm.

Meanwhile, back on Sun Island, Flame the Sunbird was sitting in front of the Master Sunstone. “Man, it's lonely here,” thought Flame, “I could use a sweater or something.” Flame looked up. She saw a helicopter, and a black figure plummeting from it. Unfortunately for her, it was plummeting towards the Sunstone.

Shadowchu landed, pushed Flame out of his way, grabbed the Sunstone, and plucked it from its rightful spot. Flame looked on at him in shock. "Where do you think you're going with that?" demanded Flame. "None of your birdswax!," snapped Shadowchu, boarding his ExtremeGear board. Shadowchu took off like a jet-skiier. Flame chased after him, demanding he come back.

A very short while later, 10 miles from land both ways, the chase continued. Flame got close, and dived at Shadowchu, who promptly dodged the attack. I...missed? thought Flame, shocked. Shadowchu didn't care. He just kept going. Eventually, he rode a tidal wave, which promptly crashed on a nearby beach. Bubbles (aka Marrouge), who was chilling on a lawnchair at the time, got wet. "Hey thanks!" called Bubbles, "...wait. That orange thing...I should go help." Bubbles strolled towards the warm-colored figures.

Up ahead, Grovonichu was casually swingin' through the trees with his vines, when suddenly, Shadowchu collided with him. Grovonichu almost clumsily to the dirt, but a stray vine kept him on a branch. "Aw Shiggity," growled Grovonichu, "He ain't gone git away wid dat!" Grovonichu angrily swang towards the figure that bumped him.

Further ahead, Punchy was on a mountain, breaking some rocks. He jumped up, preparing to smash a boulder from below, when his knuckle-spikes accidentally dug into Shadowchu's ExtremeGear, sending him along for the ride.

Lastly, Angelichu was finishing up on a flower pattern. It was mainly magenta flowers, with "HOPE & FAITH" written out in yellow ones. "Very soothing," she cooed. Then she collided with Shadowchu. Finally, Punchy was slammed into a tree, detatching him from Shadowchu's ExtremeGear.

Punchy felt dazed. Angelichu came up to him. "Hey" comforted Angelichu, "you okay?" "Urrr..." groaned Punchy, "I think so." "Thank GodBear," said Angelichu. Suddenly, Punchy's looked onwards, and saw the shoes of Bubbles & Grovonichu. He also saw Flame trying to catch her breath. Unfortunately, due to his vision recently blurring, he saw flowers. "Wow," he dozed, "pretty flowers." "Thank you," thanked Angelichu, "You should see them from above."

Punchy looked up. He saw Grovonichu, Bubbles, & Flame.

“Am I seein' triple?” wondered Punchy, “It's like bein' in a funhouse mirror room.”

“Aw snip-snap boobity-bap”, wondered Grovonichu, “More porkymans lahk me? Ah kin hardly baleev it!”

“Wowww,” wondered Bubbles, “Guess I'm not the only one around here…”

“Bless this day,” thought Angelichu, “More pokemon like me!”

"Ayyy," greeted Bubbles, "My name's Bubbles. It's nice to meet you guys."

"Hmmf..." grunted Punchy, "You can call me Punchy."

"I'm delighted," said Angelichu, "My name's Angelichu."

"An' Ah'm Grovonichu!" blurted Grovonichu, "Y'all can call me Wild. Anyhoo, Ah wuz followin' dis black guy on a board..."

Meanwhile, Magi-Chan was atop some stone structure, pondering. 'It seems a bird and four pokemobians have just got together,” thought Magi-Chan, “But as they chatter away, the one they were chasing after is getting away with the Sunstone. Fortunately, I forsee a yellow one crossing his path.” "Guess I have to," sighed Magi-Chan, hovering off towards the area he presumed the five were.

At the same time, Sonichu was running through a forest. “When I heard that Black Sonichu was stealin' a powerful stone,” thought Sonichu, “I couldn't help but rush to intercept him and give da stone to fath-I mean, return it to where it came from.”

Conversely, Shadowchu was on the opposite side of said forest, hovering forwards at top speed, knocking out a bunch of wild pokemon in the process. Shadowchu chuckled. "This is easier than I thought," stated Shadowchu with moderate amusement in his voice. Just then...

(((BANZAI!!!)))

Sonichu homing-attacked Shadowchu, knocking him off his ExtremeGear. Shadowchu stumbled around. Sonichu braked, then pointed at Shadowchu and laughed. "Damn," interjected Shadowchu, "It's you..."

"I will not let you or your stupid friends have that stone!" yelled Sonichu. "Hmph," grunted Shadowchu, "I'd like to see you take it."

Back in some field somewhere, Magi-Chan had finally reached the other five. "Flame. Grovonichu. Bubbles. Angelichu. Punchy." stated Magi-Chan, "My name is Magi-Chan. We need to get to Shadowchu." "How're we gone do that?" questioned Grovonichu, scratching his head. "I shall teleport you.," confirmed Magi-Chan, "All of you." "How ya gonna do that?" asked Bubbles. Suddenly, all Magi-Chan telekinetically lifted all five of them into the air. He then teleported, carrying the anthro quintet with him in the process.

Meanwhile, Shadowchu punched Sonichu, startling him. Sonichu, trying to seem unfazed, rubbed his cheek and faked his idol Sonic's cool, cocky demeanor. "BLACK Sonichu..." snarled Sonichu, "Give me da stone or I'll zap you." "That's not gonna work," retorted Shadowchu. "Oh yeah?" mocked Sonichu. 

Just then, Magi-Chan and five others teleported into the woods. Sonichu noticed them. “Oh cheese and crackers,” thought Sonichu, “Da calvary's here.” "Hail! Hail!" hollered Sonichu, "The gang's right here!" "Fine by me," growled Shadowchu, "I'm still gonna take you all down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Sonichu and the Chaotic Combo vs. Shadowchu! Who will make it out alive, and will the sunstone finally be recovered?! Find out next time on DRAGON BALL Z!!! *ahem* just kidding. But seriously, find out in the next chapter.


	11. Chaotic Collision part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Combo and Sonichu face off against Shadowchu. Who will make it out alive? Will the Sunstone be recovered? Find out in this chapter.

==LAST TIME, ON SONICHU==

Shadowchu punched Sonichu, startling him. Sonichu, trying to seem unfazed, rubbed his cheek and faked his idol Sonic's cool, cocky demeanor. "BLACK Sonichu..." snarled Sonichu, "Give me da stone or I'll zap you." "That's not gonna work," retorted Shadowchu. "Oh yeah?" mocked Sonichu.

Just then, Magi-Chan and five others teleported into the woods. Sonichu noticed them. “Oh cheese and crackers”, thought Sonichu, “Da calvary's here”. "Hail! Hail!" hollered Sonichu, "The gang's right here!" "Fine by me," growled Shadowchu, "I'm still gonna take you all down.

================================================

"You think you're so tough," snarked Punchy, "Ha! I CAN TAKE YOU DOWN ON MY OWN!" Punchy charged at Shadowchu, bellowing "SHOW ME WHERE DA HOOD AT" as he did so. He swung at Shadowchu, who dodged the attack effortlessly, causing Punchy to stumble a bit. He then looked behind him, only to see Shadowchu, who spin-kicked him unconscious.

"That won't do," sighed Magi-Chan, "We've got to strategize." "I have an idea!" announced Angelichu, flying towards Punchy, "I'll heal him!" Sonichu laughed. Angelichu was shocked by this. "One day," sighed Angelichu, "You'll learn that brute strength isn't everything." "Of course it is!" dismissed Sonichu, "How else are we gonna stop this darkie from stealing da Sunstone?" Angelichu ignored him, and promptly Bestowed a Revive on him.

Meanwhile, Grovonichu was attempting to engage Shadowchu in combat. Grovonichu lashed a vine at Shadowchu, who promptly dodged it. Shadowchu used double team, confusing Grovonichu into using Shockwave. It only healed Shadowchu. "What's goin' on?" exclaimed Grovonichu. "I have an ability called volt absorb," lectured Shadowchu, "Instead of being hurt by electricity, I am healed by it." Shadowchu used Iron Tail on Grovonichu, knocking him out.

Unfortunately, Angelichu didn't have any more revives on her. Shadowchu chuckled. "That's one down, another to go," said Shadowchu menacingly, approaching the deerling-in-headlights Angelichu with the intent to incapacitate, maybe even kill her. Shadowchu whipped out a gun, cocking it. Angelichu cringed. "Any last words, punk?" threatened Shadowchu.

"Get away from her," demanded Bubbles, walking towards Shadowchu. This turned his attention to her. "Pathetic fool," snarled Shadowchu, turning his gun to Bubbles, "Threatening the ultimate clone." "Ultimate what?" retorted a befuddled Bubbles, before smacking the gun out of Shadowchu's hand. Shadowchu spin-kicked her, knocking her unconscious.

"Bravo! Bravo!" cheered Sonichu, applauding his black-and-red-furred doppelganger. Shadowchu looked at Sonichu, who suddenly stopped clapping and began whistling suspiciously. "Your approval fills me with shame," growled Shadowchu. "I would have to agree," said Magi-Chan, directing his words to the yellow bastard. This caused Sonichu to freak out. "NO!," squealed Sonichu, "DON'T JOIN HIM!" "Oh I'm not joining him," remarked Magi-Chan, "But for once, I actually think he's right. You see..."

"Shut up, you naive dolt!" snapped Sonichu. This caused Magi-Chan to telekinetically throw him into the air. Sonichu screamed as he flew up, then plummeted. But Magi-Chan refused to help his petty, hypocritical friend. Instead, he challenged Shadowchu.

"So, you consider yourself the ultimate clone, eh?" challenged Magi-Chan, "Face me then. Just me and you. Nobody else, especially not them."

"Going against those whelps was like taking candy from a baby, which is fine by me!" responded Shadowchu, "I Accept your challenge." "Your move," replied Magi-Chan. Shadowchu jumped into the air and attempted to kick Magi-Chan. He didn't get very far before Magi-Chan telekinetically grabbed him and knocked him against a tree. Shadowchu was dazed. Sonichu saw this as an opportunity. "Alright, guys," commanded Sonichu, "Let's kick his black butt!"

Punchy charged at Shadowchu and mega punched him. He then pinned Shadowchu to the tree and pummeled him unconscious. Magi-Chan teleported into Punchy's area. "This is NOT what I had planned," snarled Magi-Chan. "Too bad," retorted Sonichu, "My plan is ALWAYS the best plan because FATHER says so." "Well, I Like Sonichu's plan," said Punchy.

While all this was happening, Flame flew off with her Sunstone. Sonichu quickly noticed this. He then turned to his companions. "WE DID IT!" declared Sonichu, "Black Sonichu is all beat up, and Flame got her Sunstone! What are we now?"

"WINNERS!" cheered Punchy.

Sonichu then began to gloat about his accomplisments, be they real, percieved, or made-up.


	12. Chris-Chan Gaiden: Jerkop-Tastrophe!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris-Chan battles a powerful jerkop...but who's the real bad guy here?

(“*sigh* Well, its b-been over 1-year an' 7-months, an' I still have NOT ATTRACTED a BOYFRIEND-FREE GIRLFRIEND!! Dhis l-love quest makes me suffer some STRESS...an' da udder thangs dhat add to dhat are m-muh loneliness, so many f-failures, an' all dhose men, udder dhen myself, because dhey have t-taken all da pretty girls, leavin' me w-wiff none to choose from! *sigh*”)

Chris-Chan was listening to some music on his DS. He had a forlorn, dejected look on his face, for reasons described in the paragraph before this one. “An' dhose EVIL jerkops won't l-leave me along either!” whined Chris-Chan internally, “I’m just a lonely virgin with rage, lookin' for TRUE LOVE!!!” Chris-Chan sighed.

Suddenly, an fat, brown-uniformed, bald, shiny-bespectacled black man approached him. It was the Jerkhief. "Hey!" shouted Jerkhief, "I'm Calling You Out!" Chris took notice. "I'm so sick of your complaints and tears!" yelled Jerkhief, "You go on and on about how LONELY you are, and how you need a girlfriend! You're nothing but a lowly liar, you solicitor!”

Chris-Chan looked at the Jerkhief in shock. Then, he got angry. "So, Juss LEAVE ME ALONE, you villainous jerkop!" snapped Chris-Chan, "How DARE YOU, JERK?! I AM ONLY LOOKIN' F-FOR TRUE AN' HONEST LOVE!!!" "No dice!" yelled Jerkhief, "My jerkops will force you to leave!" He then called his jerkops with a resounding "CUFF HIM!!!"

A jerkop threw a pair of handcuffs at Chris-Chan. He dodged the cuffs, and kicked the Jerkop in the crotch. “I better tansform quickly” thought Chris-Chan, before putting his hands on his medallion and screaming "ELECTRIC HEDGEHOG POWAH!!!!", promptly transforming into Chris-Chan Sonichu. "Here we go let's rock an' roll wiff things dhat make ya go HMMMM...." declared Chris-Chan.

"Okay," replied Jerkhief, "Now watch me! METAL ARMOR EQUIP!!!" Jerkhief was soon covered in Guyver-like armor. He shot a rocket at Chris-Chan, who jumped over it as it exploded. Chris-Chan kicked Jerkhief in the head. Jerkhief flinched. Chris-Chan taunted him by using ExtremeSpeed. Jerkhief got up and shot a laser at Chris, who dodged it. Chris then Sky-Uppercut Jerkhief into the air, then shot a thunderbolt at him. Jerkhief's armor fell apart in the air. "MY ARMOR!!" screamed Jerkhief in disbelief.

"Give up now!" demanded Chris-Chan, "Leave me alone, an' we can end dhis b-battle!" "No way!" yelled Jerkhief, pulling out a police handgun "I'm not done with you yet!" He then shot a bullet out the gun. Chris-Chan used a Barrier to block the move. The bullet fell to the ground. "Fuzzy Wuzzys get you hugs; prickly-wicklies get you slugs." lectured Chris-Chan, "Y'ALL GAVE ME SLUGS, SO Y-YOU GET MY SECRET ULTIMATE ATTACK!" Chris-Chan then charged up a curseyehameha.

"Curse-Ye.....  
Ha-Me......"

“HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!”

Chris-Chan blasted Jerkhief with the curseyehameha as he screamed in agony. Then, Jerkhief went back to normal. Or did he...?

"Ha!," mocked Jerkhief, "I Didn't feel a thing!" "Oh, y'all will!" said Chris-Chan. Jerkhief attempted to get up, but slipped on a banana peel, falling on his back and breaking his glasses. "AW MAN!" yelled Jerkhief, "My Glasses!" "Uh...chief?" asked a jerkop, "Your wife just called...she divorced you and left you. She took all your things, and she took your children too. Also, she hates you for your smoking habit."

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

The Jerkhief bellowed in emotional agony. Chris-Chan reverted to his human form. "I have cursed y'all wiff bad luck an' extreme misfortune," announced Chris-Chan, "D-dhis would NOT have happened if y'all had not CHALLENGED an' THREATENED me! As well as not LEAVIN' ME ALONE wiff m-my ever-so-STRESSFUL love quest, callin' me a lyin' solicitor, picked on muh methods of attractin' a b-BOYFRIEND FREE, 18-22 YEAR OLD GIRL, whom I can LOVE an' TRUSS, an' MOST IMPORTANTLY, Handcuffin' me on 9/11/2004 FOR NO GOOD REASON!! I Hope dhat y'all have l-learned to NEVER MESS WIFF AN AUTISTIC VIRGIN WITH RAGE!!!"

"MY SOUL HURTS!!!" cried Jerkhief. "SO DID MINE!!" whined Chris-Chan, "AN' MY HEART WAS PREVIOUSLY SHATTERED TOO!!!" The mallgoers were horrified by what they saw.


	13. Chris-Chan Gaiden: Da Rise an' Fall of muh Shattered Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris-Chan's love quest is finally complete! ...or is it?

(“Well, It's been almost  1-Year an' 8-months now since I s-started muh love quest. I'll try to attract, afdurrrrr eatin' muh 8 chicken nuggets...Maybe I'll get l-lucky today….”)

Chris-Chan's heart level was at 20%. He was sitting in the food court of the CWCville Mall.

Suddenly, a college-aged girl approached him. "Excuse me, but..." began the girl, "I heard that you were looking for a girl, right?" "Uh...." hesitated Chris-Chan, "Yes! I've been in need of a BOYFRIEND-FREE GIRLFRIEND!." Chris-Chan attempted to flirt with the woman. "So uhh..." began Chris-Chan, "Wutz Y'all Naaaaame?"

"Hanna," said the woman, shaking Chris-Chan's hand. "Muh name is Christian Weston Chandler," announed Chris-Chan, "But y'all can call me Chris." "I was wondering if you want to get coffee at Starbucks with me," proposed Hanna. "Okay, Sure," confirmed Chris-Chan. "Great!" said Hannah, "I'll meet you there in 15 Minutes."

"Oh...my...GodJesus...!" said Chris-Chan, attempting to hold in his excitement, "Omigod Omigod Omigod!" Just then, Chris-Chan jumped for joy, causing rainbows to emanate all around him and his heart level to reach 100%. 

"YES!!! MY LOVE QUEST IS FINALLY OVER!!!"

Moments later, at the Starbucks, Chris-Chan was sitting at a table. “Dhis is so fantastic!” thought Chris-Chan, before saying "A g-gurl has finally noticed me, an' we're about to dr-drink together an' talk! I'm so elated!" "This is truly a historic moment," smiled Rosechu, approaching him.

"Yes, Rosechu," said Chris-Chan, "I'm also glad dhat all muh hedgehogs are ch-cheerin' me on too." Then, Chris-Chan leaned in on Rosechu. "Why don't ya go s-spread da word through CWCvillle?" suggested Chris-Chan. "Sure thing," agreed Rosechu, taking off. Then, Rosechu pulled out her phone, dialed a number, and began talking on it. 

\--PHONE TALK--

Rosechu: Bubbles?

Bubbles: Sup?

Rosechu: You are NOT going to believe this!

Bubbles: What is this thing I won't believe?

Rosechu: Chris-Chan got a date!

Bubbles: *pfft* HAHAHAHAAA

Rosechu: No, seriously, he's dating someone!

Bubbles: Wow. Who's he dating?

Rosechu: Some girl named Hanna.

Bubbles: Sounds fantastic!

Rosechu: I Know, right? So, what are you up to?

Bubbles: Just tokin’ an' masturbatin’

Rosechu: Oh great! ...what's toking?

Bubbles: Eating and smoking weed...don't worry I don't use tobacky.

Rosechu: Good. Chris hates it. ...I wish Kel'd call me back.

Bubbles: Who's Kel?

Rosechu: My trainer. She's a real nice girl, and a Pokemon Master to boot!

Bubbles: That sounds great! Hey, I gotta do some work around town, but I'll catch you another time.

Rosechu: Sure thing. Bye!

Bubbles: See ya.

===END TALK===

A Few minutes later, Hanna got to the table. "So..." began Hanna, "How are you? "I'm fiiiiine," said Chris-Chan, leering at Hanna's boobs, "So, what are y'all hobbies?" "Well, I enjoy playing my guitar," said Hanna, "I also like reading. My favorite author's Chuck Paladuck.” "I Bet y'all play GREAT numbahs," flattered Chris-Chan. “I’ve only played for a couple years," said Hanna, "But I might play it sometime, if you'd like." "Dhat would b-be great," said Chris-Chan."

"Would you mind telling me about your necklace?" asked Hanna. "Yes, muh Sonichu Medallion!" said Chris-Chan enthusiastically, "D-dhis is da face of muh Electric Hedgehog Pokemon, Sonichu!" Just then, Chris-Chan pulled out a scrapbook with an off-model, crayola-scented drawing of him and Sonichu on the front. "Here," insisted Chris-Chan, "Lemme show y'all muh Sonichu scrapbook."

A WHILE LATER....

After Chris-Chan said bye, he gave Hanna an awkward double-take. Then, he called his (very old) mom, and retired to his spot by the tree, near Pac Sun. He started daydreaming and writing steps down for future dates, and checked his Sprung DS game for more tips.

Meanwhile, Rosechu is talking on the phone with Grovonichu.

\--PHONE TALK--

Grovonichu: So uhh, wuz her name?

Rosechu: Her name's Hanna!

Grovonichu: So, tell me about dis...Hanna gurl.

Rosechu: She's great! You'd totally wanna bang her if you were a human.

Grovonichu: Oh goody! Just da thought of her's makin me drool.

Rosechu: Hold up, I hear some gossip!

\--PAUSE--

Rosechu stopped by the Starbucks and overheard the employees. "Well, I'll tell you," said Hanna, "I never meant anything; It was my boss' idea." "Hanna, do I hear bells?" asked some black employee. "Do you think he's dreamy?" asked some hipster employee. Rosechu got out her phone. "Grovie, I'll call you back!" finished Rosechu, "Bye." Then she hung up. “Holy crap,” thought Rosechu, “I have to tell Chris. He'll be upset, but I have to tell him cuz otherwise he'd be even MORE upset.”

Meanwhile, Chris was playing Sprung on his DS. "So, DO ANGELS HAVE NAAAAMES?" said Chris to himself, "Dhat sounds about right." Suddenly, Rosechu appeared, looking somewhat shaken. "Chris?" asked Rosechu. "Yeeeeessss?" responded Chris-Chan. "I'm sorry to say this, but..." began Rosechu, "Hanna didn't mean it. She's just not into you, Chris." "NO!" gasped Chris-Chan, "It c-can't be true!" "I'm afraid it is," sighed Rosechu. "Rosechu," requested Chris-Chan, "Please watch muh thangs. An' keep muh spot warm!"

A few minutes later, Chris-Chan was at the Starbucks counter. "Hanna?" asked Chris. "Yea?" replied Hanna. Chris-Chan sighed. "I've just heard from a frieeend dhat y-y'all were prankin' me. Please say it ain't so!"

"It's true," said Hanna, "My boss thought it would be funny if I did..." "COME ON!" whined Chris-Chan, "Doncha find me a BIT interestin'? Didn't y'all caaaare about ME? Didn't our mini-date mean anythin' to ya? Didn't ya wanna see me more often?" "I'm sorry," hesitated Hanna. Chris-Chan's heart level was shattered, lowering it to 15%. "Please pardon me for a moment..." excused Chris-Chan, before leaving the Starbucks and releasing a calm, rational response...

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!"

Then, Chris-Chan went home, miserable.


	14. Chris-Chan Gaiden: Witch Confront

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris-Chan breaks into Mary Lee Walsh's house in a psychotic attempt to get even with her over... something.

(“I’ve taken many bloooows in my life, but da most DEVASTATIN' were da b-blows from dhat EVIL MARY LEE WALSH! Durin' da FIRST MONTHS of muh Love Quest, she INTRUDED by DESTROYIN' muh advertis-muhadvertisements, shaddered muh heart, hurt muh soul, an' threatened to make me look bad! She MUST BE STOPPED before OTHERS FEEL HER WRATH!!!”)

One day, Chris-Chan Sonichu broke into Mary Lee Walsh's office. She wasn't even doing anything to bother him at the time. "Who DARES intrude my office?" demanded Mary. "Muh name's Chris-Chan Sonichu!” announced Chris-Chan, "I am here to stop y'all heart-shatterin! But more specifically, IN DA NAME OF CHRISTIAN WESSON CHANDLER'S HEART, I SHALL PUNISH YOU!!!" "I'll destroy you before you can do anything about it," snarled Mary, squeezing her pitchfork whilst summoning her Graduon Spectre.

Mary Lee Walsh shot a bolt of eldritch energy at Chris-Chan, who dodged the bolt. He then shot a thunderbolt at her. Mary parried it, then blasted even more eldritch bolts at Chris-Chan. Chris-Chan uses Double Team. The bolts miss, and break a mirror. "You're quite skilled," complimented Mary, "But that's not the point. Let's fight." "I wuz told NEVER to hit ANY women," reminded Chris-Chan, "But s-since you're askin' for it..."

Chris-Chan sucker-punched MLW, who rubbed her bruised face and promptly whacked him with her pitchfork. Chris-Chan Mega Kicked Mary, who then impaled him. Mary pulled out.

Chris-Chan keeled over, clutching his white spot. He then opened his eyes, realizing what just happened. "NOOO!!!" screamed Chris-Chan as he transformed back into his fat, stripe-shirted human form. “She f-found muh transformation s-s-spot,” thought Chris-Chan. "So, you're Christian Chandler, huh?" said Mary Lee Walsh, "Well, time to end your reign of terror..."

Suddenly, a thunderbolt stuck MLW. She flinched. A figure approached Chris-Chan. It was Sonichu. "I stood by in case something happened to father," reminded Sonichu. "SONICHU!" gasped Chris-Chan. "Father!" exclaimed Sonichu, as the two embraced each other. "I Wuz down," stated Chris-Chan, "But now I'm up." 

Chris-Chan then turned to Mary vengefully. "S-since y'all won't leave me alone on muh Love Quest," began Chris-Chan. "We have no choice but to fight you," continued Sonichu, before he and Chris-Chan threatened "MARY LEE WALSH!" in unison. Mary glared. "ONE SHOT IS ALL WE GOT!" declared Chris-Chan and Sonichu simultaneously. 

Sonichu charged up. Chris-Chan charged a curseyehameha, saying, as he did, "Curse-Ye-Ha-Me...." Mary Lee Walsh summoned a barrier. Unfortunately, that wasn't enough.

"THUNDER!!!" screamed Sonichu, releasing a thunderstorm in the area.

"HAAAAAA!!!!!!!" screamed Chris-Chan, unleashing the curseyehameha.

Mary Lee Walsh was crushed beneath the combined cursed energy beam and lightning. Chris-Chan and Sonichu high-fived each other and exclaimed "YES!"


	15. Chris-Chan Gaiden: McAttack!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris-Chan battles a couple of manajerks and meets a new face from another dimension.

("Well, it's been ove ONE YEAR an' TEN MONTHS s-since I started muh Love Quest, an I still haven't found an 18-23-YEAR-OLD BOYFRIEND-FREE GIRLFRIEND who is SWEET, CARIN', NOT SMOKEY OR DRUNKY, an WHITE to make into a SWEETHEART FROM DA GROUND-UP! I DETEST da MALES, except for muh Father an' me, because d-dhey take ALL da PRETTY girls, leavin' me wiff NONE to choose from! Dhis SUCKS, I'm very looooonesome, an d-dhere are people around here who do what dhey can to keep me f-from gettin' one. I feel da world is against me findin' a BOYFRIEND-FREE GIRLFRIEND of muh own.")

Chris-Chan sighed. He was at a WalMart McDonalds, listening to music on his DS, drawing Sonichu comics, and wearing anime wings in his hair.

Suddenly, a black, bespectacled man in gold armor and an old, white, bespectacled man with metal arms approached him, the former saying "What do YOU think you're doing here?". "Oh, NOW WHAT?" thought Chris-Chan, provoked. "I am B-Manajerk," yelled the black, gold-armored man, "and this is my partner, Merried Seinor Comic!" "Hey there, how ya doin?" said Merried, "I have bionic limbs to keep me goin!" "We've heard from the Jerkhief that you came here to find a girlfriend!" yelled B-Manajerk, "True love is illegal in Virginia! Also, he sent us a pair of his mecha-jerkops to intercept you, SOLICITOR!!!"

"Oh, DHAT'S IT!!!" shouted Chris-Chan, "Furst off, I am NOT a SOLICITOR!!! I am ONLY tryin' to find a BOYFRIEND-FREE GIRLFRIEND, an' ever since I s-starded muh Love Quest over ONE YEAR an' TEN MONTHS ago, I've had a LOT of trouble from people, mostly MEN, who were ALL against me f-findin' a BOYFRIEND-FREE GIRLFRIEND of muh own, an' I STILL carried on wiff spellin' out muh situation to find one, so no matter what y'all do or say, I WILL NOT QUIT!!!" "Then we fight!" confirmed B-Manajerk, setting up a pair of mecha-jerkops, "Mecha-Jerkops, ATTACK!!!" "Bring it on!" challenged Chris-Chan.

The Mecha-Jerkops were destroyed by a sudden whirling blade almost as soon as they turned on. "What the-?" gasped B-Manajerk, "Who goes there?" The blade boomeranged back to its owner, who then slashed outwards valiantly. "I am Darkbind Sonichu," said the owner, "The swordsmon who dashes in the night." "It's good of y'all to come to muh aid, Dee-Bee!" acknowledged Chris-Chan naively. "I had to come," said Darkbind, "I was traversing dimensions, and noticed a great evil." "Dhen now it's da time for action!" said Chris-Chan as he transformed into Chris-Chan Sonichu. Due to his anime wing clips, actual wings grew on his head, thus transforming him into Aero Chris-Chan Sonichu! "Wow," thought Chris-Chan "Muh anime wings turned into REAL wings! I bet dhis was done wiff muh Anchuent Powers! I can fly! Awesome!"

"Darkbind," commanded Chris-Chan, "Let's get em!" "Shall do," confirmed Darkbind, swiping his sword inwards. Darkbind charged at Merried, who unsheathed a katana-like blade from his forearm, slashing at Darkbind. Darkbind ducked, drop-kicking Merried, who attempted to dropkick Darkbind. It worked...as in "it hit him." Merried, despite falling flat on his back, jumped right back up, stabbing at Darkbind, who parried the stab. Darkbind then chopped off Merried's sword-arm with an upward slash. 

"Impressive, but unworthy," scowled Darkbind, "Now stand down!" "It's only a scratch!," claimed Merried. "A scratch?" exclaimed Darkbind, who then promptly chuckled, "Your arm's off!" "No it isn't," denied Merried. "What's that then?" prompted Darkbind. "I've had worse," dismissed Merried, looking at his chopped-off bionic arm. "You don't say?" mocked Darkbind. "Come on, you pansy!" taunted Merried, right before his OTHER bionic arm got chopped off. Merried then kicked Darkbind in the stomach, knocking him over. Darkbind then sweeped his sword as he got up, hacking off Merried's legs. "Allrighty then," exclaimed Merried overconfidently, "We'll just call it a draw."

Meanwhile, Chris-Chan and B-Manajerk were in the surprisingly open air of WalMart, the former via wings, and the latter via jetpack. Chris-Chan used Aerial Ace, slamming into and disorienting B-Manaerk, who promptly shot at him afterwards. Chris-Chan dodged this with Double Team, then used a Thunderbolt, shocking B-Manajerk and causing him to drop both of his guns.

"That does it!" declared B-Manajerk, pulling out a golden axe. Chris-Chan pulled a pixelblock lookalike of him out of hammerspace, then ran off. B-Manajerk swung at it, destroying the pixelblock lookalike and promptly getting pixelblocks on his face. B-Manajerk yelped in pain. Chris-Chan then Mach Punched him in the back, breaking B-Manajerk's jetpack. As B-Manajerk fell to the floor screaming, Chris-Chan taunted him with these words: "For LOVE, TRUST, and a girl for ME, I shall smite thee!"

B-Manajerk crashed, coincidentally landing where the now-quadriplegic Merried was. "Ah, he got you too, eh?" asked Merried. "SHUT UP!" yelled B-Manajerk. "I have to go, fellow hero" sighed Darkbind, "Zelina needs me." "Thank you Dee-Bee," thanked Chris-Chan as Darkbind left for his home dimension. Chris-Chan reverted to his human form, turning towards the defeated duo. He then delivered this speech:

"Now, as for y'all two Manajerks, da p-pain that y'all both are feeling now should be MORE than punishment enough for going against ME in MY quest for a BOYFRIEND-FREE GIRLFRIEND to love an' trust! I do n- I DO NOT care about y'all rules, either of ya, or any MALE other dhen my father and myself! But lemme make it PERFECTLY CLEAR dhat in muh Love Quest it is VERY HARD for me to find a BORFRIEND-FREE GIRLFRIEND due to da INFINITELY-HIGH BOYFRIEND FACTOR! An' I-An I do NOT want to risk g-gettin' a p-punch in da face from a JERK! Also, since da laaaadeeeeys are unable to notice muh person, because dhey mostly have shoppin' on dheir minds, I have to loudly spell it out. So please, just LEAVE ME ALONE with muh Love Quest!"

"Not if I have a say in the matter" said a voice over an intercom. "Wha-?" gasped Chris-Chan, "Who goes there?" "I am the one who rules WalMart!" said the voice, "I will end your disturbance of the customers of this store! Where thosse two have started and failed, I shall finish and triumph!" Then, the speaker approached Chris-Chan. He was a large, robotic being with a head-in-a-jar for a head. "I AM THE W-M-MANAJERK!!!" declared the being. Chris-Chan gasped.

TO BE CONTINUED....


	16. McAttack part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris-Chan summons his once-imaginary twin sister. But will he defeat the W-M-Manajerk?

Chris-Chan Gaiden: McAttack, part 2

==IN THE LAST FUCKIN' EPISODE==

"So please, just LEAVE ME ALONE with muh Love Quest!" whined Chris-Chan.

"Not if I have a say in the matter" said a voice over an intercom. "Wha-?" gasped Chris-Chan, "Who goes there?" "I am the one who rules WalMart!" said the voice, "I will end your disturbance of the customers of this store! Where thosse two have started and failed, I shall finish and triumph!" Then, the speaker approached Chris-Chan. He was a large, robotic being with a head-in-a-jar for a head. "I AM THE W-M-MANAJERK!!!" declared the being. Chris-Chan gasped.

==NOW==

"Have a fist fulla fries!" said W-M-Manajerk as he blasted at Chris-Chan, who screamed in pain as he was sent flying into a soda machine. "Oh man!," thought Chris-Chan, "All dhis s-soda gone to waste... I'd better put on some Ats deodorant."

Soon, Chris-Chan smelled like sweat, diet coke, and AXE deodorant. "Hmmm..." growled Chris-Chan, "NOW I'M MAD!!!" Chris-Chan screamed as he charged at W-M-Manajerk, getting grabbed by him in the process. "HaHAA!! Try getting out of my grip NOW," smirked W-M-Manajerk, lifting CWC up into the air. "Darn, I shoulda transformed," thought Chris-Chan, "But even d-dhen how would I be able to d-d-defeat dhis manajerk by muhself?"

"Don't sweadit, Chris, dhere is a way to, um, defeat him." said a distant voice. "What?" thought Chris, "Ancestor?" Just then, Chris-Chan whited out, having a vision in the process

"Hello, Christian Wesson Chaaandler," said The Anchuent Leader of the Cherokian Clan, "Do y'all remember how y'all powah made y'all wings real?" "Uhhh no," hesitated Chris-Chan, "But I'mina-I'm in a real biiind now, so what advice do y-y'all have for me, wise one?" 

"Y'all should use da heart torch," said The Leader. "Muh heart torch?" questioned Chris-Chan, "But it's m-made from pixelblocks!" "Yes, Chris, I understand," replied The Leader, "But I know d-dhat combined with y'all, um, powers, y-y'all can use it to summon y'all dream siblin'. She will be, um, able to heeeeelp you, much better dhen y'all m-mother, even! Farewell, Chris."

Chris-Chan came to. "Summon muh dream siblin'?" wondered Chris-Chan, who then gasped upon realizing what The Leader meant, "Of course, muh twin sister, Crystal! Ahmaybe-I May be unable to transform, but I can still attack!" Chris-Chan conveniently used Growth, a power that logically he shouldn't have. He grew twice his usual size, and W-M-Manajerk lost grip of the autistic manchild, sending him stumbling to his table.

Chris-Chan picked up the heart torch, yelling "HEART TORCH GLOW" as he raised it in the air. Suddenly, a being that was dressed like him, but female, apparated from thin air. Chris-Chan gasped. It was Crystal Weston Chandler.

"Well, fancy s-seein' y'all in da flesh, Christian," said Crystal. "An' Ah'm elated to have y'all here too, Crystal muh sista," replied Chris-Chan. "Oh shit, there's two of 'em," thought W-M-Manajerk, shooting a laser cannon at the two "Get down, bro!" panicked Crystal, tackling Chris-Chan, thus making the laser miss. A hole was burnt through the wall.

"Gee, thanks for da save, sis!" said Chris-Chan. "No problem!," replied Crystal. "Ah s-see y'all medallion, do ya possess da Anchuent powers too?" asked Chris-Chan. "I sure do!" said Crystal. The two got up and used their medallions to transform into Chris-Chan Sonichu and Crystal Rosechu.

W-M-Manajerk shot beams at them, which got reflected each time. The two then beat the living crap out of the robotic manajerk. "Wanna finish him off?" asked Crystal. "I sure do," said Chris-Chan, starting up a curseyehameha.

Chris-Chan: "Cuuuurse-Yeeeeee"

Crystal: "Shocking Tiara"

Chris-Chan: "Haaaa-Maaaaeeee"

Crystal: "MAGIC!!!"

Chris-Chan: "HAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!"

Crystal's tiara fused with the curseyehameha and slammed into W-M-Manajerk, knocking his head-in-a-jar off the robot body. The two CWCs reverted back to their human forms. "His head's alive?!" gasped Chris-Chan, "Well, crap. By the way, excuse me while I give this manajerk a few words..." Chris-Chan began to speak:

"HOW DARE Y'ALL INTRUDE ON MUH LOVE QUEST, Y'ALL DAMN DIRTY MANAJERK!! DA REASON I'M G-GOIN ON DHIS LOVE QUEST IS CUZ I WANT-CUZ I WANT TO HAVE A SWEETHEART FROM DA GROUND UP!!! Of course, d-dhat's not somethin' y'all'd understand, CUZ YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A HEART!!! I AM LONELY, AND MISERABLE BE-BECAUSE OF JERKS LIKE YOU!!! NOT ONLY DHAT, I BET Y'ALL EAT PICKLES AND PLAY DA HEXB-"

"Ok bro, I feel y'all've made y'all point," interrupted Crystal, "But still..." Crystal picked up the W-M-Manajerk's head-in-a-jar and said "Who sent you.?" "I'm from the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens," began W-M-Manajerk, "And I was sent by it's leader, Mary Lee Walsh." "Well then," smiled Crystal, "I'm SENDING YOU BACK!!!" Crystal threw W-M-Manajerk's head-in-a-jar into the air, watched it fall a bit, then spin-kicked it, sending the head-in-a-jar into the horizon.

Minutes later, at the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens, Mary Lee Walsh was slouching on her throne, watching a crystal ball. "Curses," grumbled Mary, "He's thwarted the three of em." "Hey," remarked the Graduon sceptre, "You'll get him eventually." Just then, the W-M-Manajerk's head-in-a-jar crashed through a window and klonked MLW on the head, knocking her out... for now.


	17. Chris-Chan Chronicles: Off-Target part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris-Chan tries to continue his love quest. But then a powerful jerkop comes into the picture.

==A WHILE AGO==

“Mary Lee Walsh?” gasped Chris-Chan Sonichu. He was surrounded by Jerkops. “That’s right, Chris,” said Mary Lee Walsh (who was riding a flying pitchfork), “You can run, but you can’t hide.” “BRING IT ON!!” screamed Chris-Chan, who then spindashed into some jerkops, knocking them over. Just then, a jerkop whacked CWC with a breadstick. Chris-Chan keeled over.

Just as some jerkops surrounded Chris-Chan, Sonichu and Rosechu swooped in. They had just left Best Buy. “Holy flippin’ burgers! FATHER!!” squealed Sonichu, rushing to protect Chris-Chan. “Shit…jerkops…,” growled Rosechu, summoning electricity blades. She then dealt with the jerkops, while Sonichu kicked Mary Lee Walsh off her pitchfork. 

A Few minutes later, after the zappin’ trio left the premises, Mary Lee Walsh came to. “One day, Chris, I will destroy you…” she proclaimed, pushing herself back up, “One day…”

==NOW==

=Location: PVCC HQ==

Mary Lee Walsh was on her throne, talking to someone over the crystal ball

-Crystal Ball Conversaion-

MLW: Graduon and I have gone over your records, and we’ve found that you are the best at what you do; even more so than Jerkhief. As a result, I’m giving you a very special assignment.

GRADUON: Our nemesis, Christian Chandler, has been located at the new Target; we want you to intercept, capture, and bring him to us. I will send some jerkops and manajerks to help you.

????: EMPTY PROMISE TO SUCCEED!!!

MLW: That’s the spirit.

-END TALK-

(“After bein throooown out of regions because tr-true love was illegal, I l-lost all possible great waterin’ holes, but now dhat da new Target is, uh, open, I feel dhat I’m right on t-Target in findin’ me a BOYFRIEND-FREE GIRLFRIEND!!”)

Chris-Chan sat at an open bar facing the path to the exit, with a dollar drink in his hand with free refills, therefore forcing everyone, especially women he found attractive, to walk past him. totally not creepy behavior /s.

“Hey, punk!” yelled Turdijerk, “We don’t want you here!” “By the order of Mary Lee Walsh,” began Trebor Capman, “You are BANNED!!!” Chris-Chan took notice, and used his medallion to use yet another power he logically shouldn’t have: WHIRLWIND. The whirlwind blew the two manajerks away.

Two hours later, Chris-Chan was drinking with the straw of fail, when suddenly, a brown figure burst in. “I AM KAMEN COP DAGGETT, JERKOP DAITENZEN!!” announced the figure at the top of his voice, “TRUE LOVE IS ILLEGAL IN VIRGINIA!!! I’M TAKING YOU DOWN!!! PREPARE TO PAIN!!!” “Down where?” snarked Chris-Chan, “All dhat is down is only da floor.”

Chris-Chan transformed into Chris-Chan Sonichu, then went on a rant:

“Y’all’re NOT GETTING TO ME, no matter WHAT you may TRY, ATTEMPT, OR THREAT, I will hang out WHERE I WANT, WHEN I WANT, OR HOW I WANT!!! BECAUSE I AM STRAIGHT, AND GODBEAR-DAMNIT, I WANT ME A BOYFRIEND-FREE GIRLFRIEND TO MAKE A SWEETHEART FROM DA GROUND-UP!!! GET IT THROUGH Y’ALL DAMN DIRTY FUCKING SKULLS!!!”

“An annur thing,” continued Chris-Chan, “Y’ALL ARE ALL MEAN AND EVIL, SO IN DA NAME OF MUH LOVE QUEST, I SHALL PUNISH YOU!!!” Sparks of electricity buzzed from Chris-Chan Sonichu’s cheeks. Daggett drew his sword. Chris-Chan generated an electricity blade. The two slashed at each others’ swords for about a minute, only for it to be broken by Chris-Chan’s use of Double Team. Then…

Chris-Chan mach-punched Daggett in the face, knocking him over. He then used Thunder Wave on him for good measure. He then walked off, stating: “As long as muh heart beats, I will find muh heartsweet.” “SNARKY QUOTE SHAKING OFF ATTACK!!!” screamed Daggett, getting up. He then pressed a button, and suddenly, a Crackder decepticlone appeared. 

“Holy Vector Sigma!” exclaimed Chris-Chan. “I HAVE YOU IN MY FACE NOW!!” taunted Daggett, “TASTE THE CRACKDER!!! IT’S REALLY GOOD!!!” The Crackder shot at Chris-Chan, who awkwardly dodged the blast. He then punched the Crackder in its head. “Dhat’ll confuse him,” thought Chris-Chan, “But I r-really need to spindash its spark out.” Unfortunately (for him), as he began to circle the Cracker, it grabbed him by the tail, then slammed him to the floor, rubbing against his white patch, causing him to revert back to his fat human form. “CUFF HIM!!!” screamed Daggett, as the jerkops did so.

The Crackder picked Chris-Chan back up by the head, facing him in front of Daggett. “WHAT SAY YOU???” questioned Daggett. “All I wanted for over TWO YEARS was a BOYFRIEND-FREE GIRLFRIEND,” whined Chris-Chan, “WHY IS IT ILLEGAL? But in dhis, uh, situation, I can say only one thing…”

“HELP!!!!!!!!!!!”

“I’M COMING,” yelled Crystal, pushing through the crowds to reach her twin.


	18. Chris-Chan Gaiden: Off-Target part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris-Chan has met his match. But will Mary Lee Walsh actually succeed?

==LAST TIME ON CHRIS-CHAN BALL Z==

DAGGETT: WHAT SAY YOU???

CWC: HELP!!!!!!!

CRYSTAL: I’M COMING!!!!

==NOW==

“CRACKDER!!!” commanded Daggett, “LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR!!!” The Cracker dropped Chris-Chan, letting him plummet to the floor. Chris-Chan screamed, when suddenly, he was floating. “A psychic catch?” thought Chris-Chan as he was lowered gently to the floor, “Thank you sis!”

“AND LET SLIP THE DOGS OF WAR!!!” screamed Daggett. “With pleasure,” responded Jerkhief, bodyslamming the downed Chris-Chan. Daggett and a trio of jerkops followed. Chris-Chan screamed in pain. Then they got off him. Daggett stood where CWC’s head lay. “HERE’S A TATTOO ON THE HOUSE!!!” screamed Daggett, kicking Chris-Chan in the face, “TIE HIM HARDER!!! THEN, THROW HIM IN THE CARGO SHIP!!!” 

“STOP IT!!!” yelled Crystal, charging at the jerkops. Unfortunately, they shot tranquility darts at her, making her too drowsy to continue. “You’re…hurting…my…” Crystal fell asleep as Daggett and his jerkops took off in their JerkBlue. While our heroine was asleep, Magi-Chan came to her in a dream.

“Who…are you?” asked Crystal. “My name’s Magi-Chan,” began Magi-Chan, “I am contacting you due to an unfortunate turn of events that’s happened.” “What, that those jerkops got away with my brother?” asked Crystal. “Yes, that one,” confirmed Magi-Chan, “They are heading towards the PVCC building. You should intercept them. I’ll send reinforcements.”

Crystal woke up. “That dream obviously meant something…” thought Crystal, who promptly transformed into Crystal Rosechu.

==Meanwhile, at the PVCC building==

“I sense our servants are returning,” said Graduon. “Good,” confirmed Mary. “COMPLIMENT!!” began Daggett, “I HAVE HIM!!! HE’S ALL YOURS!!!” Daggett presented Chris-Chan, hogtied with an apple in his mouth. “You’ve done great, Daggett!” praised MLW, “I’ll deal with him from here.” “ACCEPTANCE OF COMPLIMENT!!!” confirmed Daggett.

Just outside the building, Crystal charged the door of PVCC, kicking it open. “I’M ON MY WAY,” she announced, ramming through and beating up jerkops as she approached MLW’s room.

in said room, Chris-Chan was dangling from a hook as Jerkhief and Mary Lee Walsh pulled a psychotic roleplay on him. “Before the empress rends a verdict,” began Jerkhief, “Would you like to beg for your life?” “If I could transform…” began Chris-Chan- “SILENCE!!,” commanded Mary, “Or you will be held in contempt of this court.” “I have nothing BUT c-contempt for dhis court,” grumbled Chris-Chan. “Guilty or Innocent?” asked Jerkhief. “Don’t care. Drop him in.” stated Mary.

The hook released Chris-Chan, as to have him fall in the indeterminate purple liquid. Crystal dived at Chris-Chan, saving him from possible death. “Thanks, Crystal,” smiled Chris-Chan, “But I’m at a loss of energy…” “I’ll get this from here,” said Crystal, turning her attention to MLW.

“MARY LEE WALSH!,” yelled Crystal, “Y’all’ve tortured my brother in more ways than one FOR DA LAST TIME!!!” “GET HER!!!” commanded Graduon. Just then, Crystal realized something. “I can’t take them on by myself,” thought Crystal, “I’ll give Chris some of my power.” So she psychically sent some of her power to Chris-Chan via Long-Distance Recover. “I can feel da cosmos,” thought Chris-Chan as he gained some energy and transformed into Chris-Chan Sonichu.

“SOLDIER OF TRUTH AN’ HONESTY, CHRIS-CHAN!!” stated Chris-Chan.

“SOLDIER OF SOUL AN’ HEART, CRYSTAL!!” stated Crystal.

“WE ARE CHRIS-CHAN PURE!!!” the two said in unison.

“No way…” gasped Mary Lee Walsh. “I’ve got you covered, Mary,” confirmed Graduon, glowing. “MARY LEE WALSH!!!” screamed Chris-Chan, “I WILL NEVER FORGIVE Y’ALL FOR SHATTERIN’ MUH HEART AN’ SOUL!!!” “Ready when you are,” said Crystal. “BLUE THUNDER!!” yelled Chris-Chan. “PINK THUNDER!!” screamed Crystal, “Our wonderful an’ unique souls…” “Shall c-crush y’all EVIL HEARTS an’ DARK SOULS!!” finished Chris-Chan. “Let’s get outta here!” panicked Graduon. MLW escaped, taking Graduon in tow. But then…

“CHRIS-CHAN PURE PULSE JOLT-LANCE!!!”

A beam of blue and pink thunder smashed through the crystal ball, destroying it. When it shattered, the occupied facility returned to what it used to be, Piedmont Virginia Community College. People flocked back to the college like ducks. Chris-Chan and Crystal drove home from the college. As for Mary Lee Walsh, well…

“Good thing we have a backup plan,” stated Mary Lee Walsh, “But seriously, Graduon, we should go base-hunting; I can’t operate everything from my house.”


	19. Muh Big Fat Cherokian Wedding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris-Chan attends the wedding of Sarah Hammer... or does he infiltrate it?

It was Sarah’s wedding day at some church in Virginia, and Sarah is marrying William Spicer. Wes Islei is there as Best Man, and beautiful decorations and cake were abound.

Unfortunately, one fat, autistic virgin-with-rage was peering through the door like a creepy stalker. He loved Sarah, and was still jealous that someone else was marrying her. “Oh, Sarah,” groaned Chris-Chan, “Why c-couldn’t y’all be wiff me? *sigh* At least y’all’re happy wiff annur’ male…”

Just then, Wes Iseli began to speak as Best Man. At this rate, Chris-Chan wasn’t having it. “DHAT’S IT!!!” yelled Chris-Chan, transforming into Chris-Chan Sonichu. He then kicked open the church door, charging angrily at an unsuspecting Wes.

“WES ISELI!!!” screamed Chris-Chan, “WHAT ARE Y’ALL D-DOIN AT MUH BESS FRIEND’S WEDDING?!” “Being her husband’s Best Man, like a normal person,” responded Wes. “I DON’T CARE!!!” screamed Chris-Chan, “Y’ALL’RE A-YOU ARE A DAMN DIRTY PICKLE-EATIN’ WOMANIZIN’ JERK!!!” Chris-Chan then sucker punched Wes. The guests looked in shock.

Wes transformed into Wes-Li Sonichu. “I wasn’t expecting anything like this,” growled Wes, “BUT YOU’RE JUST FUCKING ASKING FOR IT!!!” Wes-Li shot a flamethrower out of both his hands, scorching Chris-Chan. “I Do-I DO NOT WANT TO FIGHT ON MUH OL’ FRIEND’S HAPPY-DAPPY DAY!!” whined Chris-Chan, “We can be ad-wecanbe aduuuuults about dhis wiff you leavin’ in p-in peace an’ leavin’ da neeewww Mrs. Sarah Hammer Spicer live her f-future in peace.”

“That’s cool,” said Wes, “But wouldn’t YOU be the one leaving?” Chris-Chan went berserk. He pummeled the living daylights out of Wes, eventually throwing him out the door. “YOU CAN’T HAVE HER!!!” screamed Chris-Chan. everyone looked at him in shock. “wha…what did you just do?” questioned Sarah. “Can’t you see, Sarah?” whined Chris-Chan, “I did da right thiiing an’ saved y’all from dhat JERK I j-just threw out.”

“THAT WAS MY FRIEND, CHRIS!!!” yelled Sarah, “Oh, and, by the way, YOU HAVEN’T BOTHERED TO CONTACT ME AT ALL UNTIL THIS STUPID “PrOpHeCy” CAME ALONG!!! I’VE FUCKING HAD IT WITH YOU!!!” Sarah transformed into Samarah Rosechu and pushed Chris-Chan out the church. “STAY AWAY FROM ME!!!” screamed Samarah.

Chris-Chan sulked somewhere…else for about 30 minutes. Just then, Megan approached her. “Hey,” began Megan, “Something wrong?” “Sarah doesn’t want to be my friend anymore…” sulked Chris-Chan, “She’d rather be friends with d-dhat JERK Wes Iseli.” “Chris,” stated Megan, “You need to let this go.” “Besides,” she continuted, “Something’s wrong out there. Spunky and I are investigating, and need help. Care to call up your squad?”

“You’re right, Megan,” said Chris-Chan, suddenly getting excited, “Dhere’re jerks out dere and we must stop dhem!” So, the two went towards CWCville to see what the hell was going on there.


	20. Shattered Hearts & Entrapment! Invasion of CWCville

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mary Lee Walsh and her jerkop squadron have invaded CWCville? Who will stop them?

(“The City of CWCville!, where love is blossoming in the air between many romantic couples, whether it’s at the park…”)

“Harriet…” said a brunette teenager. “Joseph…” said Harriet. The two then began to kiss each other on the grass. Suddenly, Jerkhief came around. “Hey!” yelled Jerkhief, “Have you seen Christian Weston Chandler around here?” “No I haven’t,” said Harriet. “Well then,” stated Jerkhief, “I’ll just go look for him myself.” Jerkhief went on his way. “…What was that all about?” asked a shocked Joseph. “I dunno,” said Harriet, “Let’s keep going.”

Meanwhile, at a coffee shop, a guy in a brown shirt was going to confess his love to his girlfriend. “Julia…” began the guy. “Yes, Nick?” asked Julia. “HAVE YOU TRIED THE COFFEE?!” screamed a voice. It was Daggett. “THIS IS SOME REALLY GOOD COFFEE!!!” declared Daggett, “I JUST WANNA THROW IT IN SOMEBODY’S FACE!!!” “NICK, DUCK!!” cried Julia as she and Nick hid under the table. Daggett catapulted his coffee at some completely different yet utterly unsuspecting couple. It hit the face of the male partner, who screamed in agony. “HOLY SHIT!!!” screamed the horrified female partner, “I GOTTA CALL 911!!!” “911 IS A JOKE!!!” screamed Daggett, “A VOICE IN MY BADGE TOLD ME!!!” The lady called 911 anyways, much to the Mad Jerkop’s chargin.

Meanwhile, at the CWCville mall, Chris-Chan and Sonichu were loitering on a bench. “Well, Sonichu,” said Chris-Chan, “I’ve been feelin’, uh, lots better since I’ve met Megan; She’s sweet an’ spunky an’ I, uh, like it.” “Yeah father,” said Sonichu, “Just like me an’ Rosey… but Megan has yet to return da feelings, right?” “Yeah,” replied Chris-Chan, “But I’ve been v-very patient with Meg-chan; By bein’ a kind an’ understandin’ friend to her, I’m sh-sure she’s gonna g-give me some China.” “Well, Rosechu, the other hedgehogs and I wish you the best of luck with her,” blessed Sonichu.

“ALLRIGHT,” said a voice on the radio speaker, “We rockin’ hot with da best of pop an’ anime hits here at KCWC; Y’all keepin’ it real with DJ Jamsta!!! By the way, I’ve been told to give y’allz an urgent message: Mary Lee Walsh an’ a buncha jerkops are attackin’ people around CWCville, and the black-n-blue boyz can’t keep up!!! Chris-Chan, If y’all’re hearin’ this, Get off ya ass an’ do something about it!!! Lola’ll take over with more news after this hawt track wiff Reel Big Fish!!!”

“NO!!!!” screamed Chris-Chan as the American theme of Rave Master jauntily played over the speakers, “I th-I thought her reign of terror was over!! I won’t let her get away with it!!” “By da way it was a-It was a good thing I’ve infoooormed da c-citizens of CWCville about de, uh, differences between da jerkops an’ da t-true police,” remembered Chris-Chan, thinking about the time he gave a speech on jerkops.

==THEN==

“An’ so I urge y’all, da citizens of CWCville, to remember, with de, uh, police, ONLY BLACK AN’ BLUE ARE TRUE; ALL OTHER COLORS ARE VICE!!!”

==NOW==

Chris-Chan pulled out his DS and searched for villains. “WOW!!” exclaimed Chris-Chan, “There are jerkops everywhere!! An’ muh CWCville police are v-vastly outnumbered!! Let’s go, Sonichu!!” Chris-Chan grabbed his S-Chu ExtremeGear as he and Sonichu took off towards the battleground.

Meanwhile, at some random urban part of the city, the CWCville police were battling against the jerkop forces. Mary Lee Walsh was riding an ExtremeGear; sceptre in grip. She chuckled. “With my jerkops in tow, as well as a monster in my shadow, I’m sure to lure Chris-Chan into my trap.” “And with that stupid prophecy out of the picture,” remarked Graduon, “I’ll be able to take over the world much more easily, especially with the dark mirror hole.”

Just then, Chris-Chan and Sonichu arrived. “So glad to see you, your honor,” greeted a police officer. “At ease, constable!” replied Chris-Chan, “Leave it to me an’ muh hedgehogs!! Constable, keep de, uh, civilians out of da metroplex; DATS AN ORDER!!” “Yes sir!” confirmed the police officer as he hurried off. Chris-Chan then called his calvary via his medallion. “ELECTRIC CHAOTIC SUMMON!!” yelled Chris-Chan.

Rosechu was chillin’ on a park bench. Suddenly, she disappeared.

Grovonichu was swangin’ across the CWCville jungle. Suddenly, he disappeared.

Bubbles Marrouge and Angelichu were having tea near CWCville United Methodist Church. “Last night GodBearJesus came to me in a dream,” began Angelichu, “And he said I’m gonna fuck all of you in the Chaotic Combo, and I’m gonna do it cuz I love you guys. TEATIME!!!” Suddenly, the two disappeared.

Punchy Knuckleschu was watching Samurai Pizza Cats at his dojo. Suddenly, he disappeared.

Magi-Chan was meditating at the top of Cerulean Mountain. Suddenly, he disappeared.

Back at the scene of battle, Chris-Chan pulled out his Heart Torch. Suddenly, Crystal apparated into the scene. “Great,” said Crystal, “What do you need me fo-OH MY GODBEAR!!!” Crystal noticed the chaos and transformed into Crystal Rosechu. Chris-Chan then transformed into Chris-Chan Sonichu. 

The Chaotic Combo and Rosechu apparated into the area. “WE’RE GONNA KICK ALL OF YOUR ASSES!!!” declared Rosechu. “Rosechu, you’re acting intellectually impaired,” stated Magi-Chan, “Would you please-“ “SHE’S RAHT YA KNOW!!!” blurted Grovonichu, “Dems jerkops ain’t up to no good!” “Everyone’s here,” thought Angelichu, “But I guess now’s not the time to have the Holy Chaotic Gangbang…”

“Evil witch of dark descent,” commanded Chris-Chan, “RETURN TO DA DARKNESS FROM WHICH YA CAME!!!” “What darkness?” asked Mary, “Oh, and by the way, I’m summoning my giant to destroy you.” She then summoned the giant CADD Chef. “Hello there, chicos!!” bellowed CADD Chef, “Your mall design is shit! I have Grade-F destruction for you!” “Oh It’s ON!” declared Chris-Chan, “Sonichu, take da combo an’ attack da jerkops!! Crystal, help me t-take down dhat CADD Chef”

Chris-Chan and Crystal charged at the giant, chef-hat wearing black man. He pushed them aside. “You can’t defeat him by normal means,” smirked MLW, shooting spheres of darkness out of her sceptre. They thwacked Chris-Chan and Crystal, dizzying them. Suddenly, a burst of magic hit the CADD Chef, knocking him unconscious. Two figures approached the scene.

Meanwhile, Sonichu and the others were beating up jerkops. “THIS IS FOR INTERRUPTING MY TEATIME!!” screamed Bubbles, mega-kicking a jerkop unconscious. Punchy pummeled a different jerkop to death. Magi-Chan telekinetically picked up a bunch of jerkops and flew high up into the air. He then dropped them. Punchy uppercut one of them, shattering his skull. Grovonichu was slamming a bunch of jerkops around with his vines, laughing insanely as he did so. “WHAT IS THIS MADNESS?!” screamed one of the jerkops in Grovonichu’s grasp. Then said jerkops died. Rosechu beat up some jerkops with her electricity blades. Sonichu struggled to beat up a single jerkop.

Eventually the jerkops were no more. “Well, those jerkops gave us a run for our money,” stated Sonichu. “Well, ”Us” would be right” stated Rosechu in disbelief, “You barely fought two!!” “Well, If you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna help Father,” said Sonichu, running off. “Coward,” grumbled Punchy. “Wuss,” grumbled Rosechu. “So,” said Grovonichu, “Y’all wanna see me play da sit-n-spin?!”

Sonichu ran back to where the two CWCs were. He noticed two other figures. “Well, look who’s joined da party!” remarked Sonichu. “Terrorizing the weak…” began Megan, who was now decked in a Sailor Senshi suit, “I Will not stand for that!” “We won’t let you get away with it either,” said a skunk anthro. “We are Sailor Senshi, and we stand for light and justice!!” declared Megan, “I AM SAILOR MEGTUNE!!” “I AM SPUNKY SKUNK!!” declared the skunk furry, “In the name of Parodyse Island, WE SHALL PUNISH YOU!!”

“That’s Megan?” wondered Crystal, “Wow, my brother’s picked a real winner!” “Let’s finish that monster,” stated Crystal. “BLUE THUNDER!!!” yelled Chris-Chan. “PINK THUNDER!!!” screamed Crystal, “Our wonderful an’ unique souls…” “Shall CRUSH Y’ALL BLACK HEARTS!!!” finished Chris-Chan.

“CHRIS-CHAN PURE PULSE JOLT-LANCE!!!

A Beam of blue and pink electricity smashed through CADD Chef, annihilating the CADD Chef. “Alright, Mary Lee Walsh,” declared Chris-Chan, “NOW IT’S Y’ALL TURN!!!” “Cuuuurse-yeeeee….” began Chris-Chan, charging up a curseyehameha, “Haaaa-Meeeee….” “I Don’t think so!” snarled Graduon from the sceptre, “DARK MIRROR HOLE!!!” Chris-Chan was sucked in to the hole, reverting back to his fat human form. Crystal and Sonichu ran towards Chris-Chan in an attempt to rescue him. The others looked on in various states of shock. Megtune sighed. 

Meanwhile, in Viridian City, Naitsirhc felt strange. A strange medallion appeared before him. He put it on. Suddenly, he transformed. Shadowchu walked by. “What are YOU doing in Naitsirhc’s room?” snarled Shadowchu, “Look, just because I was away on a mission and you are my director doesn’t mean that you can barge in and-” “Wait… you’re not him…” noticed the electric edgehog, “What is going on here? …Naitsirhc?”

Back in CWCville, Mary Lee Walsh hatched a plan. “How pathetic,” mused Mary, “Why would those two give a shit? But if they do… I can seal ThEm in the mirror InStEaD of Chris. Time to turn the tables…” Mary used her sceptre to reverse the dark mirror hole’s impact. “What the-?” gasped Crystal, “I can’t let Chris go!!” “There’s only one thing left to do…” she thought, before promptly pushing Sonichu out the hole, saying “I’m sorry, Sonichu,” as she did so. 

“CRYSTAL!! NO!!!” screamed Chris-Chan as Crystal got sucked in. Crystal was trapped in the mirror. “NO!!!!” cried Chris-Chan. “Well, I got one anyway,” said Mary Lee Walsh. “Oh Megan!!!” cried Chris-Chan as he ran up to her, “I thought I was never gonna s-see y’all again!” “I knoooow y’all’d feel terrible if ya lost a friend like thaaat…” he continued, grabbing Megtune’s butt from under her skirt… Megtune pushed him away. “Don’t.” stated Megtune, “I get it. You’re upset that your twin sister’s trapped in the mirror. Doesn’t mean you can grope me.” “But come ooooon…” whined Chris-Chan, “Y’all know y’all want me…”

Spunky tackled Chris-Chan, pushing him out of Megan’s path. “Hey!” exclaimed Chris-Chan, “Why’d y’all do dhat?” “This is NOT the time to ogle my creator!” yelled Spunky. “Also,” she stated as she got up, “Megan says you’re creepy.”

Mary Lee Walsh chuckled. “You may have taken down my squadron,” stated MLW, “But I have your sista… Mista.”


	21. Evil is Afoot!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our heroes need the Chaotic Crystals to save Crystal from the dark mirror... but who is that other guy who seeks them?

(“Last time on Mashonen Senshi Sonichu”)

Mary Lee Walsh chuckled. “You may have taken down my squadron,” stated MLW, “But I have your sista… Mista.”

==NOW==

“If you want your sister back,” began Mary Lee Walsh, “You and your crew will have to surrender.” “Damn damn damn,” thought Chris-Chan, “One wrong move, an’ muh sweet Crystal may b-become worse dhen heart shaddered… what should we do?”

Just then, a boomerang slammed into the underside of MLW’s ExtremeGear, knocking her off. At the same time, the mirror containing Crystal got pulled inwards toward a beagle-spitz anthro. “Behold the powers of the Indigo Swords’mon!!” declared Darkbind, catching his boomerang. “Chris-Chan!,” greeted the beagle-spitz furry enthusiastically, “…why are you in this thingy?” “I was trapped there,” said Crystal, “Also, I’m actually Crystal. What’s your name?” “My name’s Patti,” said the beagle-spitz furry, “Where’s Chris-Chan?”

“Yay!” cheered Chris-Chan, “Patti-Chan an’ Darkbind came to help!” Patti-Chan immediately recognized Chris-Chan’s voice, and came bolting towards her ‘master.’ “There you are!!” exclaimed Patti-Chan, “How are things? Huh? Huh?” Chris-Chan sighed. “I’m still a virgin…” sighed Chris-Chan, “An’ Mary Lee Walsh is trying to make sure everyone else is…”

Hours later, at the Mayor’s office, the furries were talking amongst each other while… Chris-Chan and Magi-Chan work on Da Update. “I had this dream where I was havin’ freaky safe sex with you an’ Angelichu!” said Sonichu to Rosechu. “You wanted me to know that why?” asked a confused Rosechu. “Well,” explained Sonichu, “She’s hot… and we should have a crazy threesome one time!!” “Oh you guys,” smirked Angelichu, “wait… I just remembered something…” Angelichu ran to the kitchen and grabbed a tea set, pouring out tea into cups for her and Bubbles. “TEATIME!!!” she declared.

As Bubbles and Angelichu had their much-needed teatime, Patti-Chan sat by the door, waiting for Chris-Chan. “I wish he’d come out soon,” thought Patti-Chan. “I sense two more Chaotic Crystals,” mused Darkbind, “But that fat human doesn’t want me going anywhere. *gasp* holy crap! How’s Zelina? …Where’s Zelina?”

Just then, Chris-Chan and Magi-Chan entered the office. “I’m afraid it doesn’t look good for Crystal,” said a disappointed Magi-Chan. “No!!!” cried a panicked Sonichu, “s-s-Say it isn’t so!!” “Sweetbolt,” assured Rosechu, “I’m sure there’s a way. No need for such a tone. Geez.” “Speakin’ of bombs,” stated Bubbles to Angelichu, “Wasn’t Bionic da bomb at his last game?” “I know, right?” replied Angelichu, gracefully sipping her tea, “Speaking of games… how’s Tony Hawk’s Underground?” “It’s awesome,” said Bubbles, slurping her tea, “Especially when you play it stoned…”

“Stoned?” gasped Grovonichu, “That’s terrible! Who’d wanna get rocks thrown at ‘em when they play their vidya games?” “It means I’m high, Wild,” reassured Bubbles. “High?” gasped Grovonichu, “Lahk on a mountain?” “Yeah,” confirmed Bubbles, “But even better.” “Ladies…” grumbled Punchy as he observed Bubbles and Angelichu’s teatime conversation, “At one time I thought bein’ badass impressed them… but they like those stupid basketball players more… like, dafuq?”

“Men,” snarked Spunky, “Who needs em anyway?” “Hey!” exclaimed Patti-Chan, “Chris-Chan’s a man! He’s a really good friend as well!!” “Patti, you’re just saying that cuz you’re a dog,” remarked Spunky. “YOU TAKE THAT BACK!!” yelled Patti-Chan, growling at Spunky. “ENOUGH!!!” screamed Magi-Chan, before lowering his voice to a growl. “The noise you two make is KILLING me!” Everyone went quiet. Angelichu looked at Magi-Chan nervously. “No, not you two,” stated Magi-Chan, “you guys just carry on.” Everyone did their usual… except Spunky and Patti-Chan, who just tensely glared at each other. "I'm missing my Samurai Pizza Cats," stated Punchy.

“We’ve tried everything,” stated Magi-Chan, “But nothing worked.” “However,” continued the purple psychic, “We did come to a conclusion: The Chaotic Crystals, such as this yellow one…” Magi-Chan pulled out a yellow crystal, “…can weaken the mirror. By this logic, all seven Chaotic Crystals can free her.” “But what if we can’t find all seven?” worried Sonichu. “If that’s the case,” sighed Magi-Chan, “…we can use the Emeralds instead.

Darkbind noticed his red and blue crystals glowing. “Hmmm…” thought Magi-Chan, “Looks like Darkbind has secured two crystals ahead of us… but for some…other reason. “…Why?” worried Darkbind internally, “I can’t be deprived of my crystals… I need them to un-seal Clawdorf from Zelina’s little brother!”

A sudden noise occured within earshot of everybody in the Mayor’s office. Everyone took notice. “Somethin’s happenin’ downstairs!!” exclaimed Chris-Chan, “Sonichu and Magi-Chan, come with me!! Everyone else, stay here until, uh, furder notice!!” 

One floor below, at a jewelry store, Shadowchu and a green electric hedgehog pokemobian in a chest-belt, sneakers, and jockstrap had just robbed Kay Jewlers. “Oy vey!” cried the manager, “My crystals!” “BEHOLD!!”, announced the green one as he held up a purple crystal, “This Chaotic Crystal is the first of many keys towards my global reign!!” Just then, Magi-Chan and Chris-Chan teleported into the area. “Ah yes,” thought the green one, “The goodie-goodie sad sack virgin is in da house!”

“HOLD IT, FIEND!!” blurted Chris-Chan, “Y’all will NOT get away so quickly af-after such a loud, uh disturbance!. SONICHU!! MAGI-CHAN!! CHARGE!!!”

Sonichu charged at Shadowchu. “GET BACK!!” exclaimed Shadowchu, spin-kicking the yellow bastard out the way, “LEAVE MY MASTER ALONE!!” “Insolent Pest!!” yelled the green one, shooting a shadow ball at Magi-Chan, damaging him. Chris-Chan took notice. “Sonichu!! Magi-Chan!!” gasped Chris-Chan, “NO!!!” “Oh, Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!” he remarked as he got enveloped into a dark dimension.

“YOU!!” demanded Chris-Chan, “Where in da wild world of extreme sports are we? An’ j-just WHO ARE YOU?!” “Ha ha ha haaa!” laughed the green pokemobian, “We are in a dark dimension of my creation; everyone else remains in CWCville, so it’s just the two of us here. As for who I am…” the green being reverted to a human form, “I AM RELDNAHC NOTSEW NAITSIRHC!!!” 

“AAAAAAAUGH!!!” squealed Chris-Chan in disgust, “OH MY DOG!!! Muh fantasies blow VASTLY towards muh OPPOSITE GENDER…. I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OFFENDED!!!…. PUT A SHIRT ON!!!!”

Meanwhile, outside the dark dimension, Magi-Chan was trying to send mental wavelengths into the dark dome to no avail. “Anything, Magi-Chan?” asked Sonichu. “No,” replied Magi-Chan, “I am unable to send my mental wavelengths into that dimensional dome… Guess we have to wait.” This angered Sonichu, who when turned his attention to Shadowchu. “BLACK SONICHU!!!” screamed Sonichu, “WHAT’S DA SCORE??!!” “Two-to-one?” asked Shadowchu. “SPILL IT!!!” demanded Sonichu. Shadowchu sighed.

“My master, Naitsirhc, has gone under a drastic turn for the worse…” began Shadowchu, “Anyway, I came back from my mission at Galactic Colony NOR… I could tell you about that, but that’s another story. Anyways…”

==THEN==

“I’M GOING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD AND KILL CHRIS-CHAN!!!” declared Naitsirhc, “Therefore, Shadowchu, we need the seven Chaotic Crystals.” “Sounds great,” said Shadowchu. “BUT!!” continued Naitsirhc, “I also anticipate a fight with that goody-goody virgin and his hedgehogs, so back me up!!” Shadowchu cocked his guns. “Will do,” he confirmed.

==NOW==

“So yeah, it was all his idea,” stated Shadowchu, “I’m concerned though: He shoved his father out of his path remorselessly, for one. TWO, When I told him about my mission, he said he didn’t care. He’s also been insulting me left and right, and to top it all off, HE EJACULATES WHEREVER HE PLEASES!!! It’s DISGUSTING!!” “I’m surprised Naitsirhc could be that cruel…” thought Sonichu. “I sense honesty in his explanation,” thought Magi-Chan, smiling. “By the way, Magi-Chan,” said Shadowchu, “I really need to get what happened at NOR off my chest. Care to-“ “Now’s really not the time,” interrupted Magi-Chan, “But I’d be glad to listen later…”

Back in the dark dimension, Chris-Chan and Naitsirhc were yelling at each other. “COWARDLY LIAR!!!” screamed Chris-Chan. “AUTISTIC WEAKLING!!!” screamed Naitsirhc, “I AM STRONGER THAN YOU’LL EVER BE, FOR I HAVE NO HEART OR AUTISM.” “Then I will fight you with TRUE an’ HONEST might,” declared Chris-Chan, “I will NEVER be tempted by your gross, homo standards!! LET’S ROCK!!!” “Wanna Bet?” taunted Naitsirhc, “I’LL WHOMP YOU TO NEXT TUESDAY!!” And so…

“ELECTRIC HEDGEHOG POWER!!!”

“DARK SHOCKER POWER!!!”

The dark dimension suddenly phased out into the world Chris-Chan and Naitsirhc usually resided as the two transformed into Chris-Chan Sonichu and Reldnahc Ha-Taque (the green hedgehog pokemobian), respectively. Magi-Chan telekinetically grabbed Sonichu and Shadowchu. “Neither of you should interfere,” stated Magi-Chan, “This is their battle, and nothing less.”

Chris-Chan and Naitsirhc ran out of the CWCville shopping center, with Naitsirhc taking the lead. The two fought the living crap out of each other at high-speed. Just then….

Chris-Chan crashed through the wall of Manchester High, slamming into the gymnasium wall. “Ha Ha Ha!!!” laughed Naitsirhc, holding the purple crystal, “How befitting is it that I get to destroy you where you felt most happy… too bad you won’t get to meet your fellow gal-pal lancers at the reunion! Ha Ha Ha!!!”

A basketball unexpectedly hit Naitsirhc in the face, knocking him unconscious. “Wha…” groaned Chris-Chan, not fully conscious from the impact, “Who was that?” “I can answer that, ol’ buddy!” said a voice. It was Bionic. Bionic the Hedgehog.

“I was shootin’ some hoops when I heard a crash,” began Bionic, “I saw some green guy try to kill you, so I threw a basketball at him. “Bionic da Hedgehog!!” gasped Chris-Chan, “I haven’t drawn y’all since 2004 when I made de, uh, Yugioh card.” “And before that was back in ’99, when you made that ‘war against autism’ drawing,” remarked Bionic, “Still, it’s been a little over 10 years since I jumped out that locker and met you.” “By the way, could you hook me up with someone?” asked Bionic, “I heard you’re other creation has a girlfriend, and I’d like one too.” “Sure thing,” said Chris-Chan, “I could find you one.”

A While later, back at the CWCville hospital, Naitsirhc was back in his human form, recovering from the basketball-induced concussion. “Where am I?” wondered Naitsirhc, “Oh, right, I was gonna kill that straight, goody-goody twin of mine… when I was hit by a basketball… who threw it?”

“In sports news,” said the new announcer on the TV, “Bionic won another basketball game with a record-breaking 130 baskets! The Lancers now head to the finals against…” “You!!!” seethed Naitsirhc to the TV, “It was you, Bionic!!”


	22. Spunky & Megtune's duel against evil: Jerkop-Tastrophe 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spunky and Megtune fight Jerkhief and Daggett, respectively. But are they any sort of match? Are the jerkops?

As Chris-Chan was dueling Naitsirhc at the mall, Spunky Skunk and Sailor Megtune were off battling the two rogue jerkop leaders. “Spunky,” commanded Megtune, “You find and take on Jerkhief… I’ll take on Daggett.” “Will do,” confirmed Spunky, adjusting one of her fingerless gloves. Spunky then charged off, searching for Jerkhief.

Just then, Daggett jumped out from the shadows, sword in hand. “SCANNING AREA!!!” screamed Daggett, “SAILOR SOLDIER CONFIRMED!!! PREPARE TO PAIN!!!” Daggett charged at Megtune, who whipped out her guitar. “MEGTUNE ROCKIN’ HURRICANE!!” yelled Megtune, playing a power chord, sending a soundwave at Daggett. The Mad Jerkop was pushed back into a building by this.

“In the name of Parodyse Island, I Shall punish you,” snarled Megtune, summoning her duel disk, “TIME TO LOSE, DAGGETT!!” “DeFeAt ME?!” scoffed Daggett, “NO CHANCE IN HELL!!!” “Oh Yeah?” taunted Megtune, “I Summon THREE Wing Kuribohs!!” Sure enough, a trio of flying kuribohs appeared. Daggett drew his sword, ready to kill the trio. “And before you do that,” continued Megtune, “I sacrifice two of them to summon Dark Magician Girl; then, I use my spell card “Berserker Crush” to jack up the remaining kuriboh’s stats… to fit whatever stats you have.”

Daggett laughed hysterically. “THAT THING?” scoffed Daggett, “IT LOOKS WEAK!!! I’LL CRUSH IT LIKE A CROISSANT!!!” Just then, the winged kuriboh overwhelmed Daggett, much to his disbelief. Then, the Dark Magician Girl joined in on the rampage, blasting dark energy at the Kamen Cop. Daggett screamed in defiant frustration, then fainted.

Meanwhile, Spunky kicked Jerkhief in the stomach, causing the latter to keel over and fall back a few feet. “My wooden badge was delicious!!” yelled Jerkhief, “And so will this breadstick - FOR YOU!!!” “I don’t think s-“ began Spunky, as Jerkhief thwacked her with the stale breadstick. “Still don’t,” taunted the skunk furry, wiping blood from her mouth, “SKY UPPERCUT!!” Spunky then sent Jerkhief flying into the air. Spunky then reeled her fist back, anticipating his fall. But just then…

Jerkhief landed on his own, decked out in Guyver-like armor. “Bet you can’t beat me NOW!!” screamed Jerkhief, shooting rockets at Spunky. Spunky leapt over the rockets, landing in front of Jerkhief. She immediately used Close Combat on him, pummeling the fat jerkop leader, breaking his armor and eventually, him. “MY SOUL HURTS!!!” bellowed Jerkhief, before promptly fainting. Spunky dusted her hands off.

Sailor Megtune arrived, Daggett’s unconscious body in tow. “I see you got him,” stated Megtune, “Great job!” “Thanks!” replied Spunky, as the two high-fived each other.


	23. Time for a Ball!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bionic goes off for his second date with Spunky. Also, Chris-Chan, Sonichu, and Magi-Chan travel back in time.

==A few days after the events of Chapters 21 & 22==

“Megan!!” thanked Bionic, “I wanted to thank you for hookin’ me up with Spunky! Our first date was DOOD; We had fun, and she called me for a second date!” “No problemo,” replied Megan, “I’m glad things seem to be working out between you two.” 

“Hey B-dawg!!,” exclaimed Spunky, “Ya ready for paintball?! I’m rarin’ for a big mess!!” “A kiss after this date…” said Bionic to Chris-Chan, “and after the third date… WEEHEE!!! YAY!!!” “Uh, good for y’all, Bionic,” replied Chris-Chan. “We might even kiss and bang each other at the end if you’re lucky,” blurted Spunky. Bionic gushed. He then walked off with her to the paintball event.

Chris-Chan felt bad. “Great,” grumbled Chris-Chan, “Remind me d-dhat I’m still a virgin with rage…” Suddenly, Megan grabbed his shoulder. “Muh sweet friend!” blurted Chris-Chan. “You looked upset,” stated Megan, “Something the matter?” “Only a, uh, minor irriration,” stated Chris-Chan, “Thank y’all Megan, I feel better.” 

Meanwhile, Sonichu and Magi-Chan were observing a Chaotic Crystal. “Well, I’m gettin’ a strong reading from this crystal,” noted Sonichu, “But I don’t see the fifth one anywhere… you getting any psywaves or something?” “Well, I AM detecting the energy of the next crystal,” reassured Magi-Chan, “Yet I’m sensing a person’s deja vu moment… Darkbind did say the Crystals are able to scatter through time and space.” 

“It couldn’t’ve been me,” denied Sonichu, “I didn’t exist back then.” “It has to be in the past at this very location,” confirmed Magi-Chan, “The question is who came into contact with it.” Suddenly, Chris-Chan and Megan came over. “Hey Sonichu,” said Chris-Chan, “What’s Da Update?!” “Well father,” began Sonichu, “We’re gettin’ close! We found that the next crystal may have gone back in time. We need to locate the person who might have…”

“WAIT!” interrupted Magi-Chan, “That’s IT!! November 13, 1996. THAT crystal bonked Chris-Chan in the head at the exact moment that locker slammed open, thus creating Bionic.” “That’s crazy!!” doubted Megan, “At best, that’s only a wild guess.” “Actually, he’s correct,” stated Chris-Chan, “I remember bein’ struck on da ol’ bean as de, uh, locker, s-slammed open an’ Bionic da Hedgehog entered da world. I had mistakenly th-thought it was a basketball.”

“Hmm… thought Chris-Chan, “I feel as silly as dhat time I gained weight, became stupid, an’ went to watch TV at da ghost command.”

===SKETCH==

In this sketch, Chris-Chan was obese and stupid, in Filmation’s Ghostbusters, and boring, obscure shit happened.

“OW MY AXELS,” said the ghost buggy.

==END SKETCH==

“That’s settled,” said Magi-Chan, “I can use my telekinesis on you, me, and Sonichu, and travel back in time. BUT, we have to keep in mind that if we make a change there, it could warp the future.” “I agree,” sighed Chris-Chan, “But we have to s-save muh sister…” So Magi-Chan used his telekinesis to grab Sonichu and Chris-Chan, and sent himself and the Zappin’ duo back in time.


	24. Time-Hogs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris-Chan gets stuck in a time-void! Also, shit happens at KCWC.

As our heroes traveled through time, Sonichu and Chris-Chan had a meandering conversation about time-travel and Futurama.

“I get it, Father,” said Sonichu, “It’s like in that episode of Futurama where it turns out Fry’s his own grandpa. Or in Bender’s Big Score where Fry tries to live out his missed life in the 21st Century.” “Yes, I agree,” nodded Chris-Chan, “But Meg Griffin is so sweet an’ pretty… I’d be licking her china out right now if I could…” “Why doesn’t Magi-Chan offer his input in this?” whined Sonichu, “Cat got his tongue?”

“He’s concentrating,” said a distant voice, “Seriously, you wanna get stuck in a time void?” “Oh my GodBear,” gasped Sonichu, “Who the heck’s that?” “I’m a friend from the future,” said the voice. Soon, Sonichu, Magi-Chan, and Chris-Chan arrived in Manchester High’s gym on November 13, 1996.

14-Year Old Chris sighed. “Annur’ day of managin da Varsity Basketball Team in muh freshman year,” said Chris as he approached Joseph Herring. “Hey Joe,” greeted Chris, “Whaddya Know? “Oh hey Chris,” replied Joseph, “I’ve filled the water bottles for the team, so I’m just chillin till practice is over.” “Y’all look sad, buddy,” responded Chris-Chan, “wassup?” “Well, I went on a first date with my now-ex, Lyndsay, last night,” began Joe, “It didn’t turn out well.” The conversation went on for a few minutes, ending with 14-Year Old Chris stating he’s reading RL Stine.

Chris imagined Mighty the Armadillo and Tiara Boobowski in the title roles of the RL Stine novel he was reading. Just then, something bonked him on the head, and in his mind, Bionic the Hedgehog came out of the locker. “Holy flippin’ burgers,” exclaimed Sonichu, “A crystal!” Magi-Chan telekinetically pulled the crystal towards him. “We should get back,” he stated, as the trio apparated out. “Who are y’all? asked 14-Year Old Chris to an orange hedgehog. “I’m Bionic,” said the hedgehog, “Bionic the Hedgehog.”

Chris-Chan was not prepared for what happened next. As he and his electric hedgehog buddies traveled through time, he suddenly got sucked OUT of the psychic sphere he and the other two were in. “Father!!” exclaimed Sonichu, as his creator got sucked into the time void.

Soon, Sonichu and Magi-Chan returned to Manchester High in the present. “Well, we’re back,” said Sonichu, “By the way, I have a hot date with Rosechu, an’ after that…” Sonichu snickered. “I see you’re going to have sex with her,” stated Magi-Chan, “But that’s not really important to me. Firstly, Chris has gone missing.” Magi-Chan smiled. “NO!!!” cried Sonichu, “Muh sweet Father!! How are we gonna protect CWCville without him?” “The usual,” stated Magi-Chan, “By the way, Shadowchu wanted to tell me something.” Magi-Chan left. Sonichu ran off to his date, whining and ranting the whole way.

“ROSECHU!!!” yelled Sonichu as he burst through the restaraunt door, “Father’s gone missing!! He got stuck in a time void — WHO’S GONNA RUN AND SAVE CWCVILLE?” “Pretty sure his “secretary” will do the job for him,” reassured Rosechu, “She’s actually the vice-mayor, after all. Also, isn’t it OUR job to protect CWCville?” “You’re right about that,” grumbled Sonichu, “But just the thought of Father not bein’ there; think of all the boyfriend-free girlfriends he won’t be able to date!!” Sonichu’s eyes teared up. “Rosechu…” stammered Sonichu, “…hold…me…” 

Sonichu fell into Rosechu’s arms, bawling. Rosechu hugged him tightly. “…let’s go back to our place and do our thang,” stated Sonichu, suddenly recovering. “Oooohhh I like that,” smiled Rosechu. “Why don’t we stop by Walmart and get raincoats?” stated Sonichu, “The weather’s just right.” “Don’t those things have a weird effect on pokemobians like us?” asked Rosechu, “Y’know, where they MAKE a woman like me pregnant instead of PREVENTING it?” “Gee, I never thought of that,” thought Sonichu, turning to the audience and winking, “But remember, kids - Always use raincoats!”

Meanwhile, at the Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens, Mary Lee Walsh was having a meeting. Also there were Lord Scott Palazzo, manager of Charlottesville Fashion Square, CADD Chef, the B-Manajerk, Merried Seinor Comic, Naitsirhc, Kamen Cop Daggett, Jerkhief, Turdijerk, Trebor Capman, W-M-Manajerk, Giovanni, Eggman, Jason Kendrick Howell, and Kathleen.

“My fellow citizens,” began Mary, “The time has risen for our advantageous rendezvous of CWCville.” “Its so-called “Mayor” has fallen into a dark dimension,” continued Graduon, “”and its alleged “hero”, Sonichu, is in mourning.” “Of course, that doesn’t mean things will be easier,” stated MLW, “If anything, most of the guardians of CWCville aren’t even remotely affected.” “Why didn’t you tell me that?!” blurted Graduon. “I just did,” retorted Mary, unfazed. “Well, it’s not like I DiDn’T KnOw until NOW,” snapped Graduon.

Daggett raised his hand. “Yes, Daggett,” responded Mary. “I’M RECORDING SAMURAI GUN AS WE SPEAK!!!” screamed Daggett at the top of his voice. “How is this relevant?” asked Mary. “IT’S REALLY GOOD!!” stated Daggett. “Go, citizens!” declared Mary Lee Walsh, “Go out and crush to the extreme!!” The PVCCitizens cheered.

=====BONUS SEGMENT=====

At the same time, at KCWC…

“Hey there all ya guys n’ galz!! Y’all rockin hot with DJ Jamsta at KCWC!!” announced Jamsta, “We keepin it real with ME, DJ Jamsta, da DJ with da power, on da hour!! On top of that, it’s 68 degrees outside!! Sonichu is on da rise with fans to the max thousands; can ya believe that?!” Jamsta laughed douchily. “On da spot here, we got pop superstar Jiggliami and her guitarist Bianca Weiss, talkin’ about their new hit single!! Jigglyami, tell me all about it.”

“I’m totally psyched about it!!” exclaimed Jiggliami, “War of Love is gonna be massive, I’m sure of it!!” Jiggliami squee’d. “We’re also gonna promote it at the Spring Break concert at Virgin Beach,” stated Bianca. “Mmmm…” drooled Jamsta, “So, ladies… What’s da word on dat?!” “I sing lead vocals,” stated Jiggliami, “Bianca plays the guitar. We’re like Adam and James, Ron and Ernie, PLANT AND PAGE!!” “Oh my GodBear!!” exclaimed Jamsta, “Hello Joe!! JYNX!!” Jamsta let out another obnoxious laugh, then sighed contently. “…Are you even listening?” asked Bianca. “Uhh, yeah,” lied Jamsta, “I can’t help but admire how hot you two are.” “Errrm, O…kay?” replied an uncomfortable Jiggliami. 

“Well, fantastic,” remarked DJ Jamsta, “I’m gonna hand da mic over to muh gal-pal Lola!!” “Thank you Jamsta,” replied Lola, taking over the radio waves, relieving the listeners of their much-reviled douchebag DJ, “I’m in the second booth with a fan from Clarksville, VA. His name’s Sonichufan1985, also known as Mr. ROBERT SIMMONS V!!” “Thanks!” said Robert. Lola then had a (IMO boring) interview with Robert about being a Sonichu fan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTE: Tune in everyday to KCWC for EVERYTHING!! We rockin’ hot with all the great song types from forgotten-and/or-hard-to-enjoy oldies to anime songs to teen pop to lite rock to guitar hero tunes, even jugs, kazoos, and washboards!! Everything your fatass mayor likes, played at random, as well some talk show crap. Hosted every day by DJ Jamsta and co-hosted by Lola Rosechu!!
> 
> ...this station doesn't exist. The real KCWC isn't even in Virginia.


	25. Rage Against the Garbage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a night of freaky sex, Sonichu and Rosechu confront some trolls. Also, Grovonichu searches for a crystal.

Sonichu Chronicles Episode 17: Rage Against the Garbage

CWCville, 10PM; Sonichu's house.

"Rosechu, shall we engage in sexual activities?" asked Sonichu, seductively lying on his bed. "You bet my sweet bod," chirped Rosechu, who was clad in pink lingerie and her usual boots. "Well, I'm itchin for a little Missionary Cowgirl" said Sonichu, "Ya think you can handle it?" "Of COURSE!," exclaimed Rosechu, "...your-" "Insert Rod A into Slot B!," said Sonichu in a pitiful attempt at dirty-talk. Rosechu dropped her lingerie, got on top of Sonichu, and the two began making out...

Just then, Chris-Chan appeared in front of the audience. "Let's Pause Here," said Chris-Chan, "Hello all y'all Eager McBeavers. Before we go into dhese two...lovebirds d-doin it, let's look at da anatomy of a Sonichu."

==EXAMINING SONICHU (annotated by me)==

Sonichus' pickles are inside dhere stomachs, an' in order for dhem to accumulate a boner, he must tilt forward (actually, they're in their ovaric region, and just...appear when the need calls for it.) Also, Sonichu has a subscription to POKeBOY, so he's STRAIGHT, an no slanderous... TROLLS... can say udderwise.

==EXAMINING ROSECHU (annotated by me)==

"Rosechus have big airbags on dhere chest, with nipples dhat can sucked - like a Miltank. I know - I have a lotta sex dolls. Also, Rosechus' chinas...well...ummm....it looks a lil' sum'n like dhis, here, let me draw it for y'all." Chris-Chan doodled what he believed was a vagina, and then showed it to the audience. It was actually a crude scribble that only vaguely resembled one. "Here you can see da labiiiia," stated Chris-Chan, pointing at it. Then, Chris-Chan ran off to masturbate as our heroes had freaky pokemon sex.

==We now begin Rage Against the Garbage - for real, this time==

That morning, Rosechu was on her computer, when Sonichu came up from behind. "Good mornint, 2_Cute_2_Bolt," said Sonichu, startling Rosechu. "Sweetbolt, that's not even my real screen name!," stammered Rosechu. "Last night was awesome," gloated Sonichu, "I had a dream we had a double date an' did some swingin with Bionic an' Megagi... how'd ya like to 'sing?'" "That's cute," smirked Rosechu, "I had a dream I had a crazy threesome with Magi-Chan." "Eww!," gagged Sonichu. "But seriously," said Rosechu, "I checked out this website Kel told me about...it doesn't look too good."

"Ewww," groaned Sonichu, "This is some...4-Cent_...Garbage?" "Yeah!," stated Rosechu, "Take a look." "Wha-?" gasped Sonichu, "When was THAT photo taken? Did somebody sneak into our house and take pictures of us?" "I Don't think so," confirmed Rosechu, "But look...Bubbles and Shadowchu...Angelichu jacking off...Mary Lee Walsh, of all things..." Just then, She saw a sight that disturbed her. "ShecameforCWC..." grumbled Rosechu, "This art sucks! All this drawn porn of us, and the guy who did it can't even get anatomy right!" "Ithinkimgunnabesick..." groaned Sonichu, who to the bathroom and began puking his head off. As he did, Rosechu saw a sight that bugged her, but not as much.

"It's... a naked picture of me," realized Rosechu, "...with a pickle where my vagina should be." Sonichu overheard this, and crawled to where Rosechu was. "I c-can't believe those...those MONSTERS!!!" squealed Sonichu weakly, "Last time I checked, you were a TRUE and HONEST WOMAN, and you were in this month's POKeBOY." Sonichu began sputtering. Rosechu took notice.

"Oh my GodBear, Sonichu!" gasped Rosechu, coming to Sonichu's aid. "Aw, sweetbolt," said Rosechu dotingly, helping Sonichu up, "You look icky; Here, let me help you." She tucked Sonichu into bed, and got him a barf bucket. "I got you this in case you need to puke," smiled Rosechu, giving her sweetbolt the bucket, "When you get better, we'll deal with those guys." "Thanks," mumbled Sonichu, dozing off. "Now if you'll excuse me," said Rosechu, "I'm gonna go take some nudes to counter them."

As Rosechu left the room, she began mumbling to herself. "I never wanted to do this," she muttered under her breath, "but if that's what I gotta do, I'll do it." She then entered the bathroom, stripped off her robe, set up the camera, and began taking nudes. (AN: her boots were still on.)

10 Minutes of nudes later, Rosechu put the nudes on her computer, and attempted to upload them. But alas, it didn't work, as there were more nudes with photoshopped penises on them. "This isn't gonna work..." thought Rosechu, "I should ask the girls for help."

Later that day (by this time Rosechu was dressed), Sonichu and Rosechu were to the building of 4-Cent_Garbage.com in Clarksville, Tennessee. Grovonichu was there, as was their ride, Magi-Chan. "Wow..." stated an amazed Sonichu, "...This building's pretty tall." "Hey, thanks for the ride, Magi-Chan," thanked Rosechu. "No problem," replied Magi-Chan as he teleported off. "I'm not sure whether to interpret that as a word of gratitude or a come-on," questioned Magi-Chan to himself as he left. "By the way," reminded Rosechu, "Did you call to make an appointment with who we're meeting earlier?" "Well, he didn't give his whole name," explained Sonichu, "He only said he was Jason."

"Well, while ya'll're wheelin an' dealin, Ahm jus gonna search for dat dere Chaotic Crystal," said Grovonichu, "Mah buddy Magi-Chan said it was in hurr." "Hey, I support you man," reassured Rosechu, "If you get caught, we'll come to your rescue." Grovonichu eyed the lovehogs, then gave them a look of approval. "Gee, thanks," said Grovonichu, as he walked backwards a few. He then began sprinting, jumped onto the building wall, ran up to the third floor, flip-jumped, unleashed his vines, and catapulted himself through a 2nd-floor window. Sonichu and Rosechu just walked through the front door.

Sonichu's eyes widened. The interior of the first floor was all red and gold, with multiple floors and corridors all around. "I don't like the look of this place," stated Sonichu nervously. "I dunno," said Rosechu, "I really like how the gold goes with the red. Anyhoo, we should go to that desk over there."

Meanwhile, at the reception desk, Beel was talking on the phone with someone. "Oooohyeah," said Beel, "I'd eat the corn out of Brad Pitt's poop ANYDAY! Oh, hold on; I gotta do something." Beel put the phone down and noticed the two electric hedgehog pokemobians, hand in hand. "What do you want?" questioned Beel. "Oh, hi," hesitated Sonichu, "My lady friend and I have a meeting with the head of your company...and I was wondering...what floor do I go to?" "Oh right," said Beel, "Go to the very top floor, everybody calls it floor 66+6 around here." "Isn't that 72?" said Rosechu. Sonichu smacked her. "SHUT UP!" squealed Sonichu, "Nobody asked about YOU!"

Later, in the elevator, Sonichu and Rosechu were noticable distant with each other. "What's wrong?" asked Sonichu. "Oh, nothing" dismissed Rosechu, "Nothing but the fact you HIT me and acted like I didn't mean SHIT!" "It's okay, Rosey," said Sonichu, "Remember the story of Joseph -- forgiveness." Sonichu gave a nervous chuckle. "Well, Okay," sighed Rosechu.

Meanwhile, Grovonichu was swinging around the building, when suddenly, he saw a room marked "DO NOT ENTER!" "I ain't see none a dem signs anywhurr," grumbled Grovonichu, "Ah'll just bust in." So, Grovonichu kicked down the door. What he saw amazed him. It was a safe. There also was a Chaotic Crystal on top of it. Grovonichu tackled the crystal, and stumbled around with it upon landing. He then got up and stared lovingly at the gem. "Soooo purrrdeeeeh..." said Grovonichu, entranced. He then snapped out of it upon realizing what he had to do.

While this was happening, Sonichu and Rosechu had finally arrived at the 72nd floor, uniquely labeled "Floor 66+6." They got out, only to be greeted by a hooded man on a throne and a bdsm-gear clad woman in a slightly smaller interconnected throne. "VISITORS," boomed the man, "Welcome to my lair! I am Jason Kendrick Howell, a 20-year old troll who only offers SLANDEROUS MOCKERIES!" "My name's Kathleen," stated the woman, "I'm his 17-year old girlfriend. We have lots of unprotected sex together. So you two are here to talk about the 'Chris_chan' page on our website, right?"

Sonichu nodded. "Yes we are," began Sonichu, "And we humbly request it be removed from the internet for good, for you are not just dragging Father-I mean, Chris-Chan's name in the mud, you also drag the hopes and dreams and ideas of the majority of these GREAT, HUMBLE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA along with them." Suddenly, an American flag waved in the background as the 4Kids National Anthem played. "You've had your laughs," continued Sonichu, "But ask yourself: Is it really worth it to continue on and on with these slanderous mockeries that drag the names of the good people in this country that was founded with love and peace within it that those before us have fought valiantly and died to withhold, that I was raised under the glory that is the red white and blue. In my humble answer, I say NAY! What is YOUR answer, Jason?"

Kathleen had fallen asleep by this time. "Pathetic," began Jason, "I am a troll, and I know that we are born, then we die. I intend to make the most of this meaningless life by trolling every sap I deem lulzworthy. The page will stay up, and this meeting is OVER." "WHAT'D YOU SAY?!" snapped Sonichu, flaring up with rage. He then shot a thunderbolt at Jason, who deflected it with a dark force. Kathleen woke up, startled. Sonichu angrily charged at Jason, screaming furiously. Jason telekinetically lifted him up and threw him against a wall. Luckily, Rosechu caught him, yet ended up being slammed as well.

"Sonichu!" called Rosechu, getting up whilst getting her sweetbolt up with her, "You alright?" "UrrrWhat?" gasped Sonichu, "Oh. you." "Let's go," stated Rosechu, "There's no reasoning with that asshole. Forgiveness, right?" The two walked out, with Sonichu glaring at the duo menacingly. "Yeah, that's right, Rosechu," grinned Jason, pulling out a large pickle, "Go. Go and play with your pickle." Jason threw the pickle at Rosechu. The pickle slammed into the back of Rosechu's quilly head.

Rosechu turned to Jason. She began seething, and smashed the pickle with her left boot. "You...heartless...Bastard!" growled Rosechu, barely able to contain her rage, "I will...make...you...SuFFeR!!" Rosechu's fur got thicker and less tamed. her boots got spikier. "I Am Woman! HEEEAAAR ME ROOOOAAAAAARRRRR!!!!" stated Rosechu threateningly, screaming the last three words in a primal way that that started Sonichu and Kathleen as she became an Incredible Lioness. She then lurched over, panting angrily.

Looking on at Jason, she removed her panties, pounced on him, savagely beat him, and face-raped him Kekko-Kamen-Style. Jason's collapsed as a result of this. She toppled over in exhaustion, devolving back into a Rosechu, clothes and everything. "w..what happened?" asked a dazed and tired Rosechu. "I'm supposed to be dead..." pondered a broken Jason, "...but dark forces keep me alive." "Sweetbolt, are you okay?" asked Sonichu. "Yeah," panted Rosechu, "Just *pant* gimme a moment." A few minutes later, Rosechu got up. "Wow, Rosey!," complimented Sonichu, "I never thought you could be so strong! You even got ME going!" "K, thank you," gasped Rosechu, still trying to catch her breath. "This could be a problem," she thought.

A few minutes later, Sonichu and Rosechu stepped outside the building. Grovonichu was there to greet them, as he excitedly did so. "Wild!," smirked Sonichu, "Glad to see you safe. Did you find the crystal?" "Yeah ah got it," confirmed Grovonichu, "Ain't nobody do nothin' to stop me!" "I'm afraid our mission was a flop," said Rosechu, "Long story short, Jason taunted me and I lost it and face-raped him. Sonichu here thinks it's the first time I've ever been strong." "Oh, yall're purdy danged strong," smiled Grovonichu to Rosechu, "Anyhoo, we should get goin'." Just then, Magi-Chan appeared. "Already time to go, eh?" snarked Magi-Chan. "Sure-ee!" stated Grovonichu, as the four teleported back to CWCville.

Meanwhile, back at the CWCville Mayor's Office, Vice-Mayor Allison Amber was doing paperwork. "Grrr..." growled Allison, "Why doesn't Chris do any of this?" Nearby, Grovonichu and Magi-Chan were visiting Patti-Chan. "Got the crystals?" asked Magi-Chan. "Y'all Betchers!" blurted Grovonichu, giving them to Patti-Chan. "Well, with my best friend in possession of the crystals, there's only one left for us to collect," stated Patti-Chan. "I hope he comes back soon," thought Patti-Chan wistfully.

===EPILOGUE===

That night, in Rosechu's backyard, Rosechu, Bubbles, Angelichu, and Lola Rosechu were about to set up their photoshoot (they were going to strip naked for women's rights *embarrased laugh* *facepalm*) Sonichu had the camera. "Thanks for coming over to help, Lola," smiled Rosechu. "No problem," said Lola, "I'm not sure how this is going to solve anything, but still...I admire your effort." Rosechu looked at her, baffled.

"With GodBear's support in our peaceful protest," stated Angelichu, "We can win this battle." "Yeeeaaah," smiled Bubbles, "If that doesn't work...at least I think it's fun to take my clothes off." "VICTORY FOR WOMEN'S LIB!" shouted Rosechu, before breaking out into the "votes for women" part of "Step in Time." "Don't women already have the right to vote?" asked Lola. "Doesn't matter," dismissed Rosechu, "DEATH TO 4-CENT_GARBAGE!!!"

Just then, Simonla popped out of the ground. "My backdrops!" gasped Lola in excitement, "They're here!" "Ah hope dis is da raht place," began Simonla, moving her goggles off her face. "It certainly is," reassured Lola. "Thanks," said Simonla. "Ladies," said Lola, "This is Simonla." "Hey Simonla," said the others in near-unison. "Hey y'all!!," greeted Simonla excitedly. "Simonla," said Lola, "Those are Sonichu, Rosechu, Bubbles, and Angelichu."

"Anyhoo," said Simonla, "Ah've got da wallpapers." She unrolled one of them excitedly, "Doncha thank it's purteh?" said Simonla. She stood there for a few seconds to no response. "D'Y'ALL THANK IT'S PURTY?" shouted Simonla, exasperated by the lack of attention. "Uhhh yeah..." began a confused Lola, taking the backdrop and rolling it back up. "Thanks," said Simonla, "Ah'm hurr to strip naked as well." "I see you care for women's rights," said Rosechu. "Wait, what?" asked a baffled Simonla, "Ah thought we was just hurr to strip naked and whatnot." "It's still nice to have you over to do this with us," said Rosechu, "Anyhow, we'll really hit those garbage sacks hard with our-"

Something zipped past Rosechu, then braked. "What was that?" gasped Rosechu. The being dusted her hands off. It was Zapina. "Sup?" greeted Zapina. "Oh! Hi!" replied Rosechu, "May I help you with something?" "Don't worry bout me," said Zapina, "I'm just here to help." "I see, uhh..." began Rosechu, "How old are you?" "My name's Zapina," began Zapina, "I heard you were looking for volunteers, and figured you could use some lights and stuff. I'm evolved and stuff, but I figure I'll be 14 forever in this body, if that's what y'wanna know."

"Awwwww," said Sonichu, "Well, you certainly are a cute lil thing." This was unintentionally ironic, as Zapina and Sonichu aren't that much different, height-wise. Zapina cringed "But listen, Zapina," said Sonichu, "While I appreciate your kind offer to be a model-" "That's not what she volunteered for," remarked Lola. "What she said," responded Zapina. "B-b-but the dumb laws say-" began Sonichu. "She's a PORKYMANS, fer cryin' out loud," hollered Simonla, "Ah remember being a Roseh lahk it was four years ago." "We were childhood friends," stated Lola.

Soon, Zapina was in a tree, shining her tail-light on one of the backdrops. "Alright, people!" projected Rosechu, "We got a lot of work to do, so let's get this party started! Simonla, set up half the backdrops on the porch and the rest between those trees! Sonichu, make sure the camera's fully charged, has an SD card in it, and is ready to work! All the posing models need to clean up and stuff! Lola, have Zapina set herself in that tree, and-" "Already there," smiled Zapina, sitting in the tree, shining a more conventional light towards the other backdrop.

Sonichu stood there, leering at his camera. "For their rights as women, of all people," thought Sonichu, "I will get some mass debatin' material for Father AND overpower those SLANDEROUS TROLLS!!!"

Then the stripping-naked party-protest-photoshoot started, but who cares about that?


	26. Sonichu Spring Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonichu, Rosechu, and the Chaotic Combo celebrate Spring Break 08. But who is that shapeshifting pokemobian lady?

The Chaotic Combo were planning a birthday party for Sonichu and Rosechu. “RGGH!!!” squealed Punchy, “I’M SO HORNY I JUST WANNA FUCK SOMETHING!!!” “Why don’t you fuck me?” suggested Angelichu, “It’s everyone’s birthday, after all.” Knuckleschu then tackled Angelichu as they made out and had sex right there and then.

“HEY BUBBLES!!” projected Lola, “What did you get Rosechu?” “I got Rosechu a new brush set,” said Bubbles. “Oh Snip Snap Boobity Crap!!” blurted Grovonichu, “They’re comin’! HIIIDE!!!” Soon, everybody hid and got quiet.

Sonichu and Rosechu were coming back from a date. “So Rosechu,” began Sonichu, “What do YOU want for your birthday?” “I dunno,” stated Rosechu, “Yugioh DVDs, I guess?” Sonichu nodded leeringly. The two then opened the door. The Chaotic Combo, Lola, & Flame the Sunbird jumped out, yelling “SURPRISE!!!” in the process. “Oh, you guys,” said Sonichu in an “Aw Shucks” tone. The lot of them began laughing maniacally.

Bubbles snuck out back to see Shadowchu at some treehouse. “Hey Blakey-Boo,” chirped Bubbles, “I got you this cake.” “Thanks,” growled Shadowchu, “But I’m just a stupid clone.” “It’s okay,” said Bubbles, “You were created on this day.” “Oh, yeah, right,” replied Shadowchu, “I’m still upset over Rosalia.” Shadowchu then blew out the cake candles. “You’ll meet me at Virgin Beach tomorrow for Spring Break Jam 2008, right?” asked Bubbles. “Mmhmm,” nodded Shadowchu, “And I will put on an act for your gal-pals.” “No need to,” reassured Bubbles, “They already know.” The two then made out, eventually ending with Bubbles sitting on Shadowchu’s face.

==LATER, ON 3-22-2008==

Punchy was watching TV, flipping through the channels. 

UMP-TV: “This is UMP-TV,” said the hostess, “And we’re rockin’ with Spring Break! WAHOOOO!!!!”

PHI: “This is PHI,” said the hostess, “An’ we’re wylin’ out with SPRING BREAK!!!”

FQX: “…Leaving hundreds injured.” said the news anchor, “This is FQX News, I’m Greta Squall, keepin’ it real and rockin’ hard…” The camera panned out as Greta threw off her jacket, revealing she was actually in a bikini. “IT’S SPRING BREAK!!! YEAH!!!” screamed Greta as a bunch of people cheered. She then dived into the beach water.

Punchy turned off his TV in anger. “SHUT UP!!!” bellowed Punchy, “…wait… what if my cartoons are on…?” Punchy turned the TV back on and flipped to the animation channel. The Pokemon beach episode was playing. “DAMNIT!!” snapped Punchy as he turned off his TV (again), leaving his house in anger.

(“NOW, Coming LIVE, like a high-five on the radio from Virgin Beach with station KCWC, It’s SPRING BREAK 2008!!”)

“Hey there all ya guys n gals!!” jabbered DJ Jamsta, “We rockin’ hot at Virgin Beach for Spring Break ‘O8! Y’all know me as DJ Jamsta, da DJ wit da powah, on da hour!!” “And proudly wingin’ it again, I’m Lola Rosechu,” stated a bikini-clad Lola. “We have lotsa great stuff goin’ on here today,” began Jamsta, “We got kegs n’ coolers of CWC-Cola, an’ wer’re givin’ away 40-inch Sony HDTVs an’ a shint new Chevy Camaro; All ya gotta do is enter to win!!” “Not only that,” continued Lola, “Jiggliami will be doing a concert here at Virgin Beach, so stay tuned to KCWC for all this and more. I’m thinking of taking a swim, but We’ll leave ya to par-tay as we hear from Ricky Martin with Livin La Vida Loca!”

Meanwhile, at the Virgin Beach stage, Jiggliami and Bianca were prepping for their performance. “Omigodbear,” exclaimed Jiggliami, “Our first concert! I’m so excited!!” “Ditto!” exclaimed Bianca. “By the way,” said Jiggliami, “Your new haircut’s so KAWAII DESU NE!!” “Thanks,” complimented Bianca.

Conversely, at the beach itself, our pokemobian heroes were enjoying Spring Break. “Hey Rosey,” said Sonichu, “I’m gonna hit some waves; you and your gal-pals have fun.” “Oh, I Will,” replied Rosechu as her yellow-furred boyfriend walked off with his surfboard. She was wearing a red bikini.

Rosechu reclined in her lawn chair, putting on a pair of sunglasses. Angelichu and Bubbles were nearby, also relaxing. Angelichu had on a blue tankini top and thong. Bubbles had on a green g-string bikini set. Unsurprisingly, everyone, regardless of gender, had on their usual gloves & shoes. “So, explain your situation when it comes to sunscreen?” asked Angelichu. “I’m not as furry as you guys,” began Bubbles, “All my fur’s on my head; like, I’ve got no fur on there from the neck down. Also, I'm a water type, so the sun is more effective and shit when I'm not wet...” Bubbles then rolled up a joint, promptly smoking it.

Just then, a black-furred pokemobian female walked by. “Do you know who she is?” asked Rosechu. “I do not,” stated Angelichu, “But I get a bad vibe from her…” As she said this, Spunky showed up. In a bikini. with her gloves & boots on. “Yo,” projected Spunky. Bubbles got up to greet her. “Hey Spunky!!” greeted Bubbles, “How’s da BF?” “Oh he’s fine,” remarked Spunky, “But that’s not what I came to talk about. “Want one?” asked Bubbles, offering a joint. “No thanks,” said Spunky, “I don’t smoke.”

“Bubbles,” said a voice only Bubbles could hear, “I’ve detected a Chaotic Crystal in the ocean. Could you please get it?” “I’ll get it in a minute, Magi-Chan,” thought Bubbles. Just then, Shadowchu appeared, accidentally kicking some dust up. “HEY!!” yelled Rosechu, tackling Shadowchu in a fit of confused rage. “I’ll show you the power of a real woman!!” yelled Rosechu, breaking Shadowchu’s hand.

“AHHHH FUUUUUUUUCK!!!!” screamed Shadowchu, “MY HAAAAND!!! OH MY GODBEAR IT FUCKING STINGS!!!!” Angelichu then ran to aid the electric edgehog, pushing Rosechu out of the way and giving him a max heal. Shadowchu’s hand immediately got better. “Gee, thanks,” stated Shadowchu. “No problem,” replied Angelichu. She then turned to Rosechu. “You do realize he’s Bubbles’ boyfriend, right?” asked Angelichu. “Gee, it’s not you told ME or anything,” retorted Rosechu. “Come on, Blakey-Boo,” reassured Bubbles, “Let’s go somewhere… else.”

Bubbles and Shadowchu went to some bait shop. “I gotta find a Chaotic Crystal,” said Bubbles as Shadowchu sat on a bench, “Meet me under the pier in 15.” “Sure,” said Shadowchu. As this was happening, Silvana looked on. “Now’s my time,” thought Silvana, smirking as she did so. She then transformed into Bubbles, but black-and-purple.

A few minutes later, Faux-Bubbles approached Shadowchu. “Hey Blakey-Boo, shall we fuck?” asked Faux-Bubbles. Shadowchu immediately picked up on the fact that something was wrong about this “Bubbles.” “Why is your fur black?” asked Shadowchu, “The real Bubbles is blue…” “Shitshitshit…” thought Silvana, “He didn’t fall for it.” Silvana then walked off, irritated. “…what a fucking ass,” thought Shadowchu, “wait… Bubbles could be next! TO THE PIER!!” Shadowchu then ran off to the pier.

Meanwhile, Bubbles had just gotten back to the beach with a Chaotic Crystal. “Here ya go,” said Bubbles, giving the crystal to Angelichu, “Mind takin’ this to Patti for me? I gotta meet up with my BF.” “Sure, why not?” replied Angelichu.

Soon, Angelichu was flying through the air. Punchy and Grovonichu noticed. “Hey Wild,” began Punchy, “Ain’t Angelichu just AMAZIN’?” “Yeah, Ah guess,” blurted Grovonichu. “Oh how I’d love to bang her and cum all up in her ass!!” exclaimed Punchy, “I just don’t know how to get her do it.” “Y’all could try datin’ her…” suggested Grovonichu, picking his ear. “That’s IT,” exclaimed Punchy, “I’m gonna sign up for Datin’ Education classes!”

Meanwhile, Bubbles had just reached the pier. To her shock, there were TWO Shadowchus; one with red stripes and shoes, the other with purple. “This is even better than I thought,” thought Bubbles. “BUBBLES!!” Blurted Shadowchu, “That one over there is a fake!!” “You’re the faker, FAKER,” yelled Faux-Shadowchu. “I’ll show YOU,” snapped Shadowchu. “Guys, guys,” interrupted Bubbles, “We can settle this an easier way. Okay, purple you, thunderbolt me.”

“Shit,” thought Faux-Shadowchu, “I can’t even make a spark.” Faux-Shadowchu then shot psychic needles at Bubbles, who winced. “Heyyy….” remarked Bubbles, “You’re not even electric-type. Who ARE you?” Faux-Shadowchu reverted back to Silvana. “Saw right through me, didn’t you?” growled Silvana, “Well then… TIME TO LOSE. “Not feelin it,” said Bubbles, “REAL You… carry me back, will ya?” “Sure,” sighed Shadowchu. “Damn,” thought Shadowchu as he hurried away from Silvana with Bubbles in his arms, “Not now. Not here!!” “Horny cowards,” growled Silvana, “I’ll get them next time.”

As this was happening, Jiggliami began her concert in CWCville. “THANK YOU, CITIZENS OF CWCVILLE!!” yelled Jiggliami into her mic headset, “My debut song was inspired by my Pikachu boyfriend, who suddenly disappeared. I present to y’all, WAR OF LOVE.” Jiggliami then sang War of Love to a cheering audience.


End file.
